I would say I'm surprised by this difference. However, in truth, I'm not, as I noticed the very same thing in myself a long time ago. When I was a teenager. Back then I too largely only listened to music sang by males. I picked myself up on this and questioned why. The answer was obvious: I was looking for role models. I was looking for something that I could be. That I could imitate. That I could aspire to.
It was the exact same reason why I had posters of male footballers on my bedroom wall. It wasn't just admiration, it was also aspiration. That player is good at football. I want to be good at football like that player. It was about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. So naturally when I started learning to play guitar as a fifteen year old it was similar. I wasn't listening to music just to passively consume it. I was looking for a path. A gang to join. Something I could copy and learn from.
So the female artist. The Madonna, or the even the Sheryl Crow or Tori Amos, wasn't useful to me. I didn't want to be a woman doing dance moves on a stage. Or any female figure at all. I wanted to be a Damon Albarn or Noel Gallagher. It wasn't just a question of the music being good or bad. It had to be good and helpful to my pursuit of success. Be it actual musical success or just general social success - i.e. having a good self-image and presenting that to other people.
Again, similar to football, where men will adopt football as part of their self-image long after any hope of making it as a professional player has gone. Just to be one of the lads, or to look manly or whatever. Sure, there may be a genuine love of the game, but it's also a social modus. See, for example, the politician tweeting about the latest England match to look relatable. We all do it to some degree, and it's largely subconscious. Most people tend not to do it as cynically as the politician does it.
Returning to my own realisation, I remember having a sense of internal conflict at the time.
"Hang on, why am I not judging Sheryl Crow in as high esteem as I judge Noel Gallagher?"
Objectively her songs are classics too, yet subjectively I won't quite admit it.
When I confronted this bias I began to understand my own personal framing. I'm male, I have a male bias. After that it really widened up my appreciation of music.
Of course, it helps if you're a bit of an effeminate male anyway, which I was. So it wasn't a huge leap, and once I realised I was free to copy off the girls as well as the boys the flood gates really opened - as far as musical influences went. Then I did begin to internalise and take to heart Sheryl Crow and Tori Amos and Fiona Apple and all the other female artists that appealed to me. The same way that I'd taken Blur and Oasis to heart.
Nevertheless, I wasn't that androgynous. I didn't go full David Bowie. I still copied the males more. I still wanted to be outwardly male and successful, I was just much more aware that I was doing it, and I didn't let that impulse skew my tastes.
[I've touched upon this theme before: Beauty, Self-Image and Gender
See also the Strawberry Jam series.]
Many Years Later
Now, many years later, I've completely given up any dreams of 'making it' as a musician. So now my enjoyment of music is purely as a consumer, and thanks to my self-awareness my bias has shifted in the opposite direction. Making it easier for the girls to get my attention.
[Music has moved to right hand side of the chart for me. See below.]
Whenever I see my male friends react to female sung music it seems obvious that they're still in the teenage mode though. Where music is wholly tied up with their self-image. This might be a little patronising on my part. Though I think I've earnt it, as there aren't too many straight males that openly walked into HMV at the age of nineteen and bought the Immaculate Collection, because they valued the genius of the music above looking like a blazing homosexual.
There's a social cost to being this honest.
The Twin Forms of Admiration
Above: the two types of admiration.
The role model, or 'man crush,' on the one side.
On the other, the people of the opposite sex that we're attracted to - our actual crush.
In very straight, normie-type people these things tend to be very clearly separated. Music, football, other pursuits are in one category. Supermodels, strippers and sweethearts are in the other. For less orthodox people these two sides can get confused though. (Or synthesised if you develop a self-awareness of it.)
So, in fairness to my friends that don't like 'girly' music, it's largely because they're very straight and normal. It's not a failing per se, though it does limit the parameters of what they allow themselves to like and enjoy.
It's just the way of the world to some extent, and I should know it's foolish to expect them to objectively judge a K-pop song.
A simpler example would be wearing a pink t-shirt. It's not a question of liking it or not liking it. In fact, a man might like the pink t-shirt if it's being worn by Winona Ryder (I've re-watched the movie Heathers recently). It's more that the very notion of wearing a pink t-shirt is off limits to the male mind, as the male self-image precludes it. What with pink being de facto the girl colour.
This all works the same way for women too, of course. Only flipped backwards. They aspire to be like other women and admire men as objects of attraction, not as something to imitate. In a general sense.
It's obvious stuff, but if you point it out to people - especially in relation to their own tastes - they'll shriek and protest that all their judgements are strictly impartial.
It's a very interesting thing to consider in relation to art and music.


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