I'm now forty-two, and so far I've stayed true to this. Nor do I have any plans to change this course of action. I can't help but feel it lacks poetry though. There's part of me that still wants to be a guitar-playing, gypsy-haired Bob Dylan or Lindsey Buckingham type figure. (I've been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac recently.) The distraction isn't helping things either. Leaning me into moody sighs, retroflection and love-stricken Romeo-isms. Or Troilus and Cressida, which I'm reading now, incidentally.
It was always my plan to give up the locks circa forty. I used to tell people that back when I was around thirty. If anyone told me to get my hair cut, I'd say, "There's a time for short hair, and it's not yet."
There's a thinking behind it too. I call my forties and fifties my "JFK years" in light conversation with people. I think the ideal mode of man is different depending upon the age (this applies to women too, but my focus is ME!). Youth lends itself to energetic things, whilst age lends itself to experience.
This is something that women naturally recognise when judging men.
So, for example, if you wanted an example of an attractive man in his twenties, 60s era Mick Jagger would be a good example. Energetic; risk-taking; wild; dancing; flamboyant; expressive; peacocking; ideas; imagination; a challenge to the social order.
Whereas, an attractive man in his fifties would be someone like James Bond. Suave; experienced; in control; strong; powerful; calm; clean-shaven; statesman-like; upholding/defending the social order.
What women find attractive in an older man is not what they find attractive in a younger man - and I'm not making the argument that these qualities should be embraced because they appeal to the opposite sex. I'm more stating that women are a good natural judge of what a good man should be. When we flip the above examples we can see this even more clearly.
A fifty or sixty year old man dancing around and peacocking like Mick Jagger isn't appealing. It looks embarrassing. A man in his fifties doesn't have the raw energy to embody this behaviour to its full potential, like a younger man can. It would also be expected that a man of such an age would've acquired a self-confidence that makes such appeals for attention unnecessary. Showing-off and playing the big I AM can be excused in the rash and young, but it's a bigger sin for people old enough to know better.
Likewise, a clean-shaven, calm, serious young man looks boring. A twenty year old can't pull off being James Bond. He simply can't have the experience and gravitas an older man would have. And his calmness would only highlight that he lacked the vital energy of youth that makes younger men such a force in the world.
So the ideal man in his twenties is not the same as the ideal man in his fifties. And women instinctively understand this, as the older men and younger men they find attractive reflect these differences. Therefore, the ideal twenty year old man is 60s Mick Jagger (or insert your favourite rockstar/footballer/etc at their peak), and the ideal man in his fifties is James Bond (or someone fulfilling a similar archetype).
My younger self picked JFK to fill the older archetype. This might not be the perfect example, as JFK was only forty-six when he died, but to my younger eyes, with his 1950s American looks, he seemed the embodiment of the presidential statesman or leader. In fact, the actors playing James Bond were no doubt younger than they looked too, come to think of it, but you get the picture.
(It's similar for women. A sixty year old Madonna behaving like a twenty year old popstar isn't appealing. If you're a man why would you look at a sixty year old pretending to be a twenty year old, when you can look at an actual twenty year old that naturally embodies those qualities to perfect fullness? A sixty year old just can't have that same vital energy. Attractive older women are comfortable with their age, and embrace the positive aspects that come with it. I'd rather not write a paragraph about what I find attractive in older women lol, but you can fill in the blanks. Or Google a picture of Helen Mirren.
Also, it's probably worth saying, I'm not chastising anyone for how they choose to live here. None of this is necessarily right or wrong in a moral sense. I'm not 100% sure what I should do myself. I'm just making the wider observation.)
Anyway, you could say the younger me viewed JFK as a good older role model, and that at some point I thought, "Yes, I'm going to be like JFK when I enter my forties and fifties." lol. As funny as that sounds.
The Breakdown
I tend to break it down like this.
You have the prince.
Then the king.
Then the wise old elder.
The prince is adventurous.
The king wields power.
The elder relinquishes power.
For the elder (I'm bringing in a third category here), you can imagine a Merlin the Wizard type figure. An old person, who is past middle age, who recognises that his days of strength and power are behind him, but who offers wisdom and counsel. He never tells King Arthur what to do - Arthur is the one at the height of his powers who must execute decisions - he simply helps the king work through his own thoughts, and acts as a repository of past history, "..A long, long time ago this similar event occurred ..and King So-and-so took this course of action..."
So I've always had this idea that as I enter middle age (beginning around forty), I need to become more statesman-like. (You're entitled to laugh out loud whilst reading this.) Then, when I reach true old age - God-willing - I want to be wise, but passive. Not so arrogant and cantankerous that I refuse to relinquish the limelight.
20/30s: Long Hair
40/50/60s: Short Hair
70+: Merlin Beard
😄
ART
I actually think this lends itself to art as well. So, for example, jumping around on stage with a guitar is more suited to a younger man's energy. Whereas sitting down and writing a novel is more suited to an older temperament.
In fact, often you'll see that people who become successful later in life, start out in different artistic fields. For instance, Ricky Gervais was originally in 80s synth-wave bands, long before he made his name in comedy. Perhaps if he'd have been successful back then he'd be prancing around with a synthesiser now at the age of sixty. Feigning the energy of youth, instead of wise-cracking about his middle age spread.
Yet again, I'm not saying you can't make music in middle age (or beyond even), I just think it lends itself more to youth, and that it's worth acknowledging this. That, with age, you should perhaps try to make music that truly reflects your mood and place in life. Not make a false attempt at trying to prove you've 'still got it'. Overstaying youth's welcome. I remember John Lennon, not long before he died, saying he wanted to make music that was the sound of a forty year old with a kid. Not try to be a Beatle, or outcompete the latest generation of artists. That sounded wise to me, and I'd be interested in hearing Madonna's latest album if she too was trying to embody the "wise women" witch archetype - not trying to be twenty.
Saying all this though, perhaps it's me that's wrong. After all, I do feel the pull of long hair. Perhaps we're all just born to be a certain type of person from birth to death. Pre-destined by our stars. Maybe I'm going against my own nature by trying to live according to these archetypes of age.
Maybe I'm the one embarrassing myself by trying to be JFK?
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