Beyond Meat - Paying for the Ride

Earlier this year I made a post asking, Will There Ever Be A Vegan Nestlé?

In that post I mentioned that I'd bought some stock in the company Beyond Meat, and I wondered aloud if we'd ever see a huge food multi-national like Nestlé that was exclusively animal friendly. Or if profitable smaller vegan companies would simply get bought up by these existing giants.

Incidentally, Nestlé's stock rose today after an announcement that they're going to be laying off 16,000 workers. So that's bad news, though I guess good news for me, as I own a little bit of Nestlé as well. The Beyond Meat shares however - they're not doing too well. To say the least. And worse still, I've been topping up my position. Buying more on the big slide down. I'm about $400 down, *grimace*.

It's not too bad though, as I'm still doing fairly well overall.

The gold and silver miners are paying for my vegan experiment. In fact, the Beyond stock is the only massively risky thing I own really.

(I kinda feel that bar might

be even higher tomorrow)

So the question is now, have I completely wasted my money? Will Beyond Meat just go out of business.

It's not looking pretty.

The short answer is, I don't know. Whatever happens I'm going to ride it to the bottom though. It was a punt to begin with, so I'm not about to bail out here when it's getting interesting. Whenever I'm in a situation like this the psychology is always very interesting too. There's a social embarrassment that comes with losing money - you look foolish. Like a loser ..literally. So there's this tendency to want to get out of the door as quickly as possibly to avoid further humiliation.

For instance here I felt the need to share the graph showing I'm doing well overall to offset the negative. As if to say, "Look, I'm not an idiot, this is just a daft a little side punt that I basically did for a laugh." Though, of course, that's not true. I bought it as a punt, yes, but with the hope that perhaps there would be long term upside. Certainly not for a laugh.

If this psychology applies to me - someone that's generally happy to be an anti-social contrarian - then you can imagine how it works in the wider world. People stampeding out a of stock because the red lights are flashing. Consequently I'm always sat wondering if these investors are being sensible or just blindly panicking. Perhaps the panic itself is sensible? At least they'll save some money if they run when everyone else starts running.

Normally when I go against the grain I don't care at all. I'm comfortable riding out red numbers. The only other time I felt like an idiot was with the Russian stocks - my only other big mistake thus far. I did feel a touch of embarrassment there.

The Sberbank, Gazprom and Evraz shares are still sitting, comatose, in my eToro account, so I'm enjoying the experiment nevertheless. Perhaps they'll reanimate at some point. And maybe these Beyond Meat shares will come back from the dead. Though my slightly reddened face suggests I'm sugar-coating an obvious mistake.

Being vegetarian I also have a moral dog in the fight. Albeit I've never actually tried a beyond burger. (Again, foolhardy to invest in a product I've never even tried - normally I tend to buy things I like and use.) Really I should try one. It would be fun. Plus, with government mandating folic acid in everything I'm looking to widen my dietary options anyway.

I must remember to buy some beyond burgers - and some wholemeal flour buns - and then report back.

The wider cultural trend seems to be a move towards vegetarianism/veganism and animal welfare. However, the recent rightwards shift we're seeing in politics runs counter to this, and it's becoming fashionable to positively espouse meat-eating in these circles. The animal-friendly options being heavily associated with globalism and all its ills. I've even seen these products referred to as goyslop. The claim that these products aren't natural and healthy heightening this. So it's difficult to gauge which way the wind is blowing.

I would like to see us move away from animal products, but in a way that's positive for humans too. Perhaps the back and forth will force an evolution towards excellence. Either way, it's interesting to watch.

So, as with the Russian shares, I'm enjoying the journey, but the fare price has a been a little hefty so far.

Astrology, Rhesus Negative ..and Folic Acid in Bread

A month or so ago I found out I was rhesus negative - A negative in particular.  To be honest, I'm only mentioning it here for cynical reasons. I made a blog post about it over on my red hair blog (a place more apt for it, given some of the online woo associating RH- with redheads). Anyway, that particular post got a spike in views, so I'm mentioning it here to see what happens. It's a strange topic, as it's something that comes up online in woo-woo land, in relation to aliens and other wackiness, but it largely goes unmentioned elsewhere. It's similar to blood groups in general. They're a big deal in Japan, they make a big fuss about them. It's like a person's star sign (we'll come to horoscopes next). Here in the west it isn't considered worth mentioning though, unless for practical reasons like blood donations and so forth. The fact that I only recently found out my blood type confirming this general lack of care - and I only discovered mine because I purposely ordered a test from Amazon out of curiosity.

Astrology

More woo now. I've been taking a slight interest in astrology. Largely accidentally, as a channel I watch on YouTube dabbles in it. I'm sure it's all nonsense - it must be, right? But still it's a bit of fun and the history of it is interesting. Also, it strokes the ego a little bit. Like the rhesus negative blood, it gives a sense of, "I'm special."

"This is my chart, this is why I'm so interesting."

I mentioned that I was a Taurus on this blog not too long ago, that time in relation to childhood memories, and how it never really appealed to me. I never really saw myself as an angry, hulking bull. An unthinking hothead. However, the YouTuber pointed out that the bull isn't angry all the time. Most of the time it's solitary and placid. It's just that when it does get angry it gets really angry. Which is true of me, I must admit. A good example being this recent thing where the UK government is mandating that all plain flour must be fortified with folic acid.

I'm genuinely pissed off about it (though most of the time I tend to be shy and passive). I'm still in a mood now as a I type, even though my initial burst of annoyance was yesterday. (I wanted to overthrow the government yesterday 😅). It also annoys me that other people aren't as annoyed as I am. 

It's a bit of a detour from the astrology, but this impulse to mass medicate populations. In ways where it effectively becomes impossible or illegal to avoid it is just outrageous to me. We see the same thing with the fluoridation of water. Even if there were no health downsides whatsoever the principle alone would be worth fighting for. How dare you medicate me against me wishes.

And, as with Covid, I'm past the point of caring about public health. If the rest of the country are happy being treated like barnyard animals that's their problem. Not me.

We also recently had news that the UK government are banning restaurants from refilling sugary drinks - i.e. from giving free top-ups. Again in the name of public health. This one doesn't affect me in the slightest, but I'm peeved nonetheless. This endless interfering; this endless communism. So much money, time and effort wasted to busybody.

You really have to wonder at the mentality of the people making such rules. Some bad things that governments do make sense. For instance, censorship. I get why governments censor people. They want to exercise power, and people contradicting the narrative are a threat and hindrance to them. I don't agree with the censorship, but there's a logic to it. Bringing in a rule to ban the refilling of a cup of hot chocolate is just completely inane though. That they think the idea in the first place is telling. That they then go to such an effort to implement and enforce the idea condemns them entirely.

Give these people a China-style social credit system and they will be worse than China.

Back To Astrology

Anyway, let's back to lighter things. I got myself a birth chart thingy. (Just type 'create birth chart' or something to that effect into Google and countless free generators pop-up.)

My Moon is in conjunction with Venus, and they're both in opposition to Saturn, whatever that means. I did read some of the descriptions from the site that produced the chart and they were actually quite accurate to be fair. Especially in regard my woeful dealings with the opposite sex. Of course, there's always the tendency to pick and choose, and to see what we want to see though. The vagueness leaves a lot of room for interpretation. So it's easy to read too much into things.

Still, it's more fun than spending time trying to avoid the countless industrial chemicals the government tries to shove down our throats.

The Gary Neville Thing

For future context this is in response to Gary Neville blaming the "division in the country" on "white middle-aged men" who are putting up Union Jacks.

I've had a few digs at Gary Neville over on Twitter about his comments. However, I always try to think about how I would word things were I posting to my real life friends on Facebook. It's easy to throw around off-the-cuff remarks on Twitter, where everyone's a stranger, but on Facebook you're forced to be mindful of the people you work and live with. In the real world I have plenty of friends that are from minority backgrounds in one way or another - British-born Muslims, black and mixed-race people (some born here, some from overseas), Eastern Europeans. In fact, where I work the list of nationalities is endless: Poland, Romania, Eritrea, Nigeria, Latvia, Greece, the list goes on..

Anyway, when I think in this way it only heightens my feeling that Gary Neville is wrong. It doesn't bring me any closer to his "everything is rosy, and you're just a racist for complaining" worldview. I just think he's irresponsible, and is making things worse by throwing around the label racist.

Old Trafford

The capacity of Old Trafford - the football stadium where Gary Neville used to play - is 74,000. If they sell all 74,000 tickets for a game and someone tries to buy one more then the guy working at the ticket office has to say, "Sorry, we're sold out. No one else can enter the stadium."

The guy doesn't do this because he's racist towards the ticket buyer, or because he's filled with "HATE." He does it because he has a responsibility, and sometimes being responsible means making hard decisions. On the one hand he wants as many people to come to the game as possible. However, at the same time, he also has a duty to make sure the people inside the stadium are safe. So there's a balancing act, and trying to get that balance right means sometimes having to turn people away.

Ideally the whole world would be allowed into the stadium to watch the game, but in reality there are practical limits.

The Stadium Britannica

Of course, it's similar with countries. Ideally we'd just let everyone enter, but, in reality, there are restrictive factors ..lack of housing/infrastructure, fears over social cohesion, etc. We want a vibrant stadium, but we don't want a rowdy, violent one - where things are too overcrowded and the stewards can't control the numbers.

Again, it's a balancing act, and that means someone taking responsibility and at times saying, "Sorry, you can't enter."

Yes, it's mean. But it's also mean to turn a blind eye to homelessness, crime, ever-rising rents, and all the various other issues.

Back To Facebook

Anyway, back to posting on Facebook. Gary makes things worse, because:

a) He makes it difficult for governments to take responsibility - i.e. they can't ever say, "Sorry, you can't enter," for fear of being labelled racist. (Or, if the government is in fact too idealistic to take responsibility he provides cover for them.)

b) He's basically telling the numerous people that are from minority backgrounds, "Hey, this guy complaining about immigration rates, or putting up flags, he's racist and he hates you." Sowing more discord.

So, if I go and post on Facebook, my numerous minority friends will think, "Wow, I didn't realise he's actually a RACIST!, he must secretly hate me and not want me in the country." Not, "Oh, he wants someone responsible managing the ticket office." Which is the reality.

And this is the reality for the vast majority of the population. Yes, there are a teeny amount of genuinely racist people, but they're a tiny fraction. Most people just want policies that are practical not ideological.

It's perfectly natural that someone from another country, or from a minority background, will have a tendency to think, "They're talking about me," when they hear someone complaining about immigration. I'd think the same if I was in their shoes ..but most the time I'd be wrong. As, again, most people complaining see the issue as a practical/numbers issue, not a personal one.

People like Gary should be reassuring people that it isn't personal if they genuinely want to lessen social tensions. They should be explaining the practical limitations that all governments face and arguing for a balance. Not stirring up fears further by painting kumbaya rainbows on one side of aisle and white Nazi bogeymen on the other.

It's in the interests of everyone here to want a safer stadium. Ultimately, homelessness and cost of living doesn't discriminate by colour, religion or nationality.

What is 'Arcade Copper Mining' ?

It's the latest craze. Everybody's doing it. Well, it's just me and my friend doing it actually. In fact, we're probably the only people in the country doing it. Basically, we're going to arcades to get 2p coins. We're mining copper ..on the 2p drop machines.

To understand why you first need to appreciate the (rather underappreciated) 2p coin.

In modern Britain, 2p and 1p coins are thought of as little better than trash. People will often throw them away even. Or just discard them on the counter as they receive their change at the store (that's if they're still using physical cash). However, it really is a case of people knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing. As these coins are actually rather special. There's a certain dying romance that very few people see ..yet.

Let me explain..

Firstly, the 2ps that were minted before 1992 are solid copper, and thanks to inflation the actual copper in these coins is now worth more than the nominal value of the coin. So a copper 2p is actually worth about 5p in raw copper terms.

[This is just going by the general market price for copper. Obviously, in actuality, things aren't quite so simple. It costs money to transport and refine copper. People - in particular businesses - want to buy it at scale and in a form that's useful to them. So the copper in a handful of copper coins isn't going to be much use to anyone in reality.

Also, it's illegal to melt coins down in the UK. Even if the cost, effort and time wasn't prohibitive ..but we don't want to melt them down anyway - see the next point.]

Secondly, these coins are old. They're becoming historic. The first ones were minted way back in 1971 - that's over fifty years ago. They have the face of a now dead monarch on them. Queen Elizabeth II.

Now again, you aren't going to make much money holding onto these coins. They're not exactly rare - there are literally billions in circulation. Still, they're physical objects in an increasingly digital age. How much longer will they be in circulation? Are they one of those things that people will only begin to appreciate once they're gone?

When you think about it it's actually quite incredible that we can receive a physical piece of art that's over fifty years old in our change when we pop to the shops.

The post-1992 2p coins are just copper-plated steel. So they're little more than tokens really. Pretend 2ps. Likewise on the continent, where they have their new and modern Euro, the smaller denomination coins are just copper-plated steel. So our big copper 2ps are already something of a relic.

And none of our other coins are quite so old either. The 5p, 10p and 50p coins we now have are all smaller imitations of their original counterparts (like me, you may be old enough to remember the big ol' 5ps we used to have). The pound coins have changed too. The only other coin remaining in circulation in its original form is the 20p - and they were first minted later, in 1982. So the 1p and 2p coins are the cheapest, but, conversely, also the oldest.

And the best place to find these 2ps in large quantity is another place of nostalgia .. The Sea-front Arcade.

The arcades in British seaside towns also hold a certain dying romance. Like our pubs and decaying highstreets there's a feeling of decline. That the modern world is making them increasingly redundant. We all remember the 2p drop/coin pusher machines from our childhood. (They're actually still quite popular if my recent trips are anything to go by.) They're something we all have a certain fondness for. They've always been there - there, by the sea. With the fish 'n' chips, and the ice creams, and the teddy-pickers, and all the other arcade games.

But if (presumably when) the 1p and 2p coins are taken out of circulation they'll get taken out of circulation too. There'll be no 2ps to put into the slots. So they'll have to go as well.

Arcade Mining

So me and my friend travel to the various local coastal towns. We get a few pound worth of 2ps from the change machine. Then we keep hold of the pre-1992 copper ones and disperse the rest with relish into the slots. If we win any more copper 2ps we keep them too - the copper-plated token 2ps we win then going back into the slots, in the hope of winning more.

(I won a duck)

It's a little hobby; a little trip out. We get the fun of playing the 2p drops while we still can. And we get to mine some physical precious metal - well, semi-precious base metal - at the same time. Some little pieces of history. Complete with the little old Queen of England in relief. Like little vinyl records - only appreciated once obsolete.

So get yer-self to the seaside. Get a few seashells from the beach ..and get a handful of copper from the arcades. A few memories from the coast to take home.

A Thousand Years of Peace

I said I'd post more frequently, but today I was struggling to think what to type. Instead I was more inclined to continue editing the second book of my work of fiction. I'm not sure what draft this is. I think third, could be forth, not sure, but I'm at the stage where I'm semi-publishing each chapter on its blog as I go. This was the latest one:

Someone Else's Kingdom, BOOK II - Scene XIX

The chapters are labelled scenes in this second book. Everything's nice and short. Internet age friendly.

I also ended up blogging about my fpl (fantasy premier league) team. So, as per yesterday, it really is all about me.

The latest political thing is the Trump Gaza peace plan. I watched the press conference he and Netanyahu gave. It felt optimistic, so hopefully it's a big step in the right direction. Hope being the key word. I'm not sure what the expectation is.

Trump was doing his usual bravado thing. Saying things like this is going to be the first time we have peace in "thousands of years". People always get their knickers in a twist over these pronouncements. The, "He's an idiot!", "How can someone this stupid be president?!!" comments. They still struggle to understand that Trump is a salesman, and that he's honed this technique over decades. You can argue the rights and wrongs of it, but he knows what he's doing. He isn't an idiot. Of course, sometimes he does just get things wrong. Again, he's a salesman, not a historian. But it all misses the point. He's focused on outcome. He doesn't really care about the technicalities as long as what he's saying has the desired effect.

And that UN speech. Wow. You just never, ever, see a politician speak like that. It was truly incredible to watch.

Anyway, that'll do for today.

The Music of Dreams

I hear the chatter of magpies.

I said I was toying with the idea of posting more. Then, immediately after finishing that last post, something else occurred to me that I feel is worth noting down.

One thing I've been trying to improve is my sleep. I was going through a period where I was finding it very difficult to sleep (overthinking - endlessly rehearsed conversations in the mind with the trouble-making swan goddess). Anyway, I'm having very good sleep now ..thank God. And I really appreciate it. Less overthinking has helped, but also more practical things, like trying not to drink tea/coffee or eat in the hours before bed. Consciously slowing breathing has helped too.

Anyway, one consequence of sleeping more is more dreams. I've had quite a few recently. Last night I had one where some music was playing, and in the dream we (there were other people there) were trying to find out what band it was. Like when you hear a song on the radio that grabs your attention, so you search the lyrics on your phone in the hope of finding out what it is.

It was a strange dream, and I'm sure dreams are just kaleidoscope-like collages of the things that are already in your mind. However, it always amazes me that the mind can construct music in a dream. The music in this particular one was original. It wasn't something I'd heard in real life, though no doubt it was of a genre. I can't fully recall it now, sadly. There's more just that vague post-dream recollection of the sense of things. It was sort of goth rock/post-punk in vibe. That general ballpark. Still, the way the mind can do that is amazing really.

I wonder if AI works in a similar way to dreams. The way it takes all this real world information, then spits out a nearly-sensical construct of it. Or should I say, do dreams work in a similar way to AI?

Implementation vs Culture

I've been toying with the idea of posting more frequently again. I fear it might just be endless navel-gazing though, as my thoughts are all about me at the moment, and I'm kind of on vacation from politics. I'm trying to self-improve and be a better person, cliched as that sounds. Working on my weaknesses rather than indulging my strengths.

Also, I feel that politics is on autopilot currently. Everything's set. The directions of travel are obvious. We're not really at a pivot point where small nudges will make a big difference. Or where something new needs adding into the cocktail.

Labour have a huge majority. So that's something that just can't be changed at the moment. There's little point crying about it. The time for that was before the last election. People talk about an earlier general election being on the horizon, but why would you do that if you have a huge majority and you're implementing what you want to implement? And even so, Reform are broadly on the right track for if and when an election comes. So that's all happily in motion too.

It feels like there's this race going on between culture and implementation. In the UK the Blairite/globalist faction have the reigns and are just ploughing on with their plans. Meanwhile, the cultural landscape is moving in a different direction. Both feel like unstoppable trains. So the question is:

Will we see conflict or will we see synthesis?

The fact that Keir Starmer is waving union jacks and acknowledging the need for better border controls suggests we'll see synthesis. However, some of the talk around digital IDs and confronting Reform's 'racism' has more the feel of, "We're at war with our enemies."

So we'll wait and see.

In the US it's slightly different. There Trump, who's with the cultural momentum, has the reigns and is implementing his own things. And it's the more globally minded that are waiting it out. Planning for a post-Trump world. Either way, it seems everyone is planning for future battles. It's a time for sleeping on the battlefield, as I say. A good time to work on yourself ..if you're me.

Maybe I will keeping posting. Perhaps my more personal focus will be illuminating? Even if only for me. Returning to the idea of digital ID. Politically I'm completely against - I don't want the Chinese-style social credit system it may bring about. The digital dog lead is just that - a dog lead. However, on a personal level, I just don't have the fear anymore. I've kind of already accepted the coming reality of it. So that's an interesting thing to me. Is it stoicism? Is it resignation? Is it bravery? Is it a confidence that things will work out in the end? Or is it just a consequence of getting older?

Back at the outset of 2020 I had real fear, which brought with it a sense of panic and urgency. I don't have that now.

My Thoughts on the Charlie Kirk Assassination

This Charlie Kirk assassination thing has really bummed me out. Taking it on face value it's just a sad, sad thing. He seemed like such a good guy, who had so much potential. He was a key figure in the MAGA movement. The one person, from a long term strategy point of view, that you wouldn't want to lose. So it feels very hollowing, on both a personal and a political level.

However, this is the thing with the, "Taking it on face value," that I feel I have to squeeze in there. The sadness is amplified by a sense of uncertainty and dislocation. What happened? What's true and what isn't? Are my real emotions being wasted on unreal things? I try to speak in a more circumspect way these days, but as I've alluded to before on here, it's true that sometimes media/government just fabricate things. Parables are told in news form.

Everyone's a conspiracy theorist now it seems. So there's little point pretending I'm speaking some great secret here. In fact, in today's world of mass media, and now AI, you'd have to be lobotomised to not question things. In a world where artificial is so easy only a fool would accept things unthinkingly. And if you do choose not to think (as many do), the smart move is to automatically not believe the things you see on screen. As at least that way you avoid the emotional drain and the buy-in.

It's easier to not care. To console yourself that it's all just political theatre and that therefore you can cast things aside into the box labelled fiction. However, as I type, this looks very vivid and real. It looks like a man - a decent Christian family man - has been the victim of a mafia-style hit in broad daylight. The footage itself, from multiple angles, looks bloody and conclusive.

The official narrative is that it was carried out by a loony leftist with a trans girlfriend. A narrative with clear elements of soap opera. There are also other oddities: the boomer guy in glasses who originally claimed to be the shooter, who was led from the scene with his trousers around his ankles; the fact that the very question Kirk was answering was about trans shootings when he was shot. So it all leads itself to a mishmash of interpretation. A bloody act of violence wrapped in cartoons. I don't know how to fully parse it. I don't know what's happened.

And, of course, if you can't get a handle on what's happened you don't know how to respond. You find yourself fighting spooks, spectres and monsters. Are you swinging your feeble sword at a monster, or was it just a shadow? Or are the monsters fighting even bigger (and more dishonest) monsters themselves? The complexity leaves you helpless. Uncertain what the landscape is.

The one thing you can have certainty over though is your own values. In a world full of lies and violence your own actions can at least be true. Even if they tread uncertain ground. Which brings me to a point of optimism. I'm struggling to get a handle on this situation, but generally I'm quite good at reading the larger cultural landscape, and I think the major upshot of all this will be more people finding faith. It was going that way anyway, but this will only push that further. The left/right political stuff is becoming redundant, as people search for a firmer foundation to root their world upon.

In America they have a real, living Christianity, so that will swell from the upswing.

Here, in the UK, things are different. We really are a godless people. The only major living cultural reservoir in the country is Islam. So it's harder to say where things will go. Recently we've had all the flag waving on the streets. I love the Union Jack, but these political symbols are puny when stood up against the behemoth of faith-based religion. Even a nationalism rooted in ethnicity is weak as it lacks the power to convert. Once upon a time the Union Jack (and its English and Scottish parent flags) were symbols of religion as well as of nationhood. They're literally the cross. However, again, religion has to be living, and barely a single living Brit would think "Christianity" when they see these flags now. For sure, the street rabble of the English looks pathetic when compared to the church unity Americans often show.

It seems strangely unfitting to talk about the UK. Perhaps I should've saved that last paragraph for another blog post. May God bless America.

The Heart Has An Intelligence

I haven't posted here in the last few months. Mainly because I've had some dramas of the heart. I won't go into the full personal details (maybe another time, plus I'm not sure I'm out of the woods yet), but needless to say, the heart has an intelligence all of its own.

There's a reason the heart is the symbol of love. It knows and feels things the brain can't.

(I feel it's time to get this blog back to politics and other things of interest. Less of the whimsy. With the current talk being about flags and symbols this might be a good segue.)

The 🩷 symbol doesn't symbolise a country or a tribe. It symbolises the individual, and the coming together of two individuals. You have the two rounded, curvy bits at the top coming down to form a single point at the bottom. Of course, the curves can also represent the female breasts, with the downward point standing as the vagina. Turning the symbol upside down it then takes on a more phallic form. With the curves standing as the balls and the now upward point as the penis.

It really is quite a neat little symbol. Perhaps the greatest symbol.

The Little Things

Does God have a plan for me? Is there a God? If there is a God, you'd like to think he has a plan for everyone. However, when you look at all the people out there with their mundane troubles. 'All the lonely people,' as the Beatles song goes. It's hard to imagine that being the case. Then again, I feel my own life is charged with meaning, so perhaps it's dismissive to think that other people's lives aren't rich with meaning and purpose as well.

It really is the little things that make a difference. We want our lives to be like a movie. Yet we forget, or fail to realise, that movies have power because they reflect back our own lives. A good romance brings to mind our own, much deeper felt, real world romance - or failed romance. Or unrequited love. Likewise, you could turn the camera on any individual, tell their story - be it a factory worker, lollipop lady, or anyone else - and make a meaningful movie of it. So maybe the world really is rich with meaning, and we just think it's largely meaningless because we can only focus our attention on one movie at a time. Usually our own. Perhaps it's our lack of omniscience that leaves us feeling that only a few people can be important. We can't focus our care and attention on this out of the way lonely person over there ..therefore God can't be that bothered either.

The problem is, the world is too full of meaning. It overwhelms us. Every individual person is living a life that is infinitely richer and deeper than any work of fiction.

And that's just the humans. That's before we get to all the other living creatures.

This is my thing at the moment..

Recently I've been watching the late 80s/early 90s British sitcom, You Rang, M'Lord? It's my guilty pleasure. I've even been paying £1.99 per episode to watch it on YouTube I'm that hooked. I've raced through Seasons One, Two and Three, and I'm now halfway through the final season, with just two and half episodes left 😬

I only started watching it as my mam had it on in the background the other week. It inspired very vague recollections from childhood when I saw it. It rang a bell, if you pardon the pun. My first thought was Hi-de-Hi!, but no, this was something different (though the main actors are the same).

I always hated Hi-de-Hi! as a kid. There was something garish about it. That era of British culture where the women all seemed to have short hair, like Thelma from The Likely Lads. Instinctively, through a child's eyes, it just looked so wrong and un-aesthetic. That weird seventies tackiness and dislocation from natural beauty. There was just a wrongness about it all.

Perhaps I'd like Hi-de-Hi! now if I rewatched it (I'm tempted to having watched this), but it just seemed so grating at the time. Meaning my knee jerk response to seeing the same cast on screen was terror. However, it only took another thirty seconds for me to get a little sucked in. If I'm honest, it was a scene with Miss Poppy and Mr Twelvetrees that got me. It reminded me of the girl at work I like, and my own frustration with being so teased. That's the thing though with the show. What I really like about it is all the little relationships. Even though it's a silly comedy it's imbued with notions of long term infatuation. There's a certain romance and tension. It may just be me getting older, but it feels like we don't see examples of 'tension building between two people' in modern media. (Perhaps it's because modern media is so quick and short attention span now.) So watching this felt somehow better. Like entering a world where love is actually real again.

[Note: I actually used this line, "It may just be me getting older," just a few months ago in my post about the song Somebody Else, where I discussed similar ideas. I really must be in a soppy mood at the moment.]

(Miss Poppy and James Twelvetrees)

The female characters in particular are brilliant. Su Pollard as the maid Ivy is great. Her acting is really playful, but you really feel it when she longs for Mr Twelvetrees. Miss Poppy is brilliant too, just so bubbly and expressive. Such a fun character. And her monocle-wearing sister, Cissy, looks great. I really love her persona and look. She has truly great aesthetics - in contrast to the anti-aesthetics of earlier. The whole show has a real charm.

I don't have too much else to say - I just wanted to express my liking of it and leave a review really - so I'll leave things there.

(Ivy and Miss Cissy)

(The monocled Miss Cissy)

(Excuse the quality of the images, but YouTube literally blocked my laptop from taking screenshots of the episodes, so I had to take pictures of the screen with my phone. And after I paid £1.99 per episode too!

At least it adds an ethereal nostalgia though.)

Free Books - Click Here !

The much talked of, but rarely seen book is finally becoming visible. We've now got a PDF version of BOOK I available to download - for free.

Yes, this is the fiction. Someone Else's Kingdom. It can be downloaded here.

https://drive.google.com - someone else's kingdom

(An ePub version can be download here: https://drive.google.com - epub )

If you want an online preview instead you can visit the blog page:

https://someoneelseskingdom.blogspot.com

Other Free PDFs

As I'm going to pin this post to the sidebar I may as well provide links for the non-fiction works too.

The Freckled Mashiach

https://drive.google.com - the freckled mashiach

Strawberry Jam is the Best Jam

https://drive.google.com - strawberry jam is the best jam

Civilisation Judas

https://drive.google.com - civilisation judas

BIRTH FAMILY TRIBE LOVE SEX APOTHEOSIS

https://drive.google.com - BFTLSA

Oink: A Phonetic Alphabet

https://drive.google.com - oink: a phonetic alphabet

The Internet - Back in the Old Days: Part IV - MYSPACE

I started using MySpace not so much as a personal social media platform, but more because it was a good way to promote music. This is circa 2005/2006 (I can't remember the exact year). I wasn't a huge user of the internet at the time, but a lad that was in another local band told me about it. "Just use MySpace," he said, nonchalantly, when I asked him how he was getting the word out. "What?" was my confused response. Anyway, duly noted, I went and set up an account for my own band ..and then started randomly annoying people.

(I was trying to get Grok to make a MySpace

related image. It doesn't make any sense, but I like it.)

The way it worked back then was that you could literally just search for people by age and location. So, you could set the search for people between the ages of eighteen and thirty, within a twenty mile radius of your hometown, and start adding people. You'd just sit there for an hour sending friend requests to everyone that looked like they might like your music. You'd add one hundred - maybe ten of them would view your profile page. If you were lucky a few might accept the request or listen to your music. Obviously, you were essentially just spamming people, but it was somewhat more innocent and sincere back then, and it did actually work. People would check out the music; some would like it, some would become actual fans. So spending a few hours just adding people was worth the effort.

Pretty soon you'd exhaust your local area though. So then you'd go further afield. You'd start adding people from London or Manchester, or even L.A. and New York. You'd go international.

I Got Bored

As ever my own curiosity took over. I got bored just adding people from the trendy areas, so started adding people from more exotic locations. Sweden, Germany, Iran, Brazil, anywhere. Just to see what would happen. Coming across other young people in foreign countries was quite interesting. Finding out that there were people into indie music, or even heavy metal, in places like Iran was quite a contrast to the worldview I'd gained from TV and popular culture.

Perhaps the weirdest thing was what happened when I started adding people from China though. First of all, there weren't too many Chinese people on MySpace at the time. Given the mega population I was expecting more, but it was quite sparse. Though, to be fair, at the time that was somewhat the case across the board. The internet was much more new back then. After all, I myself had only heard of MySpace a few months previously.

Anyway, the Chinese people that were on the platform, I started adding. Just as I had every other country I'd searched. But then I got a message telling me that my account had been hacked (as if someone other than me had hacked the account and started adding Chinese people randomly), and all the Chinese people I'd friended were automatically unfriended. That was the first time online where I thought, "Oh, China's different." I felt like I'd accidentally entered a restricted area I wasn't supposed to be in.

Conspiracy Content

Finally, the other thing I remember about MySpace is how it opened me up to a lot of new conspiracy type stuff. Back then there was this feature that was like the standard Twitter or Facebook feed, but it was more in the form of a group chat. At least that's how it felt to me - I felt like I was privy to some group conversation. You'd click on it and you'd see all the latest things the people you were friends with had shared. I'm not sure how I came across the conspiratorial stuff, given I'd originally started using it purely for music. I always had those leanings though, so I guess I must have (again, out of curiosity) friended some accounts.

Some of the stuff I'd see back then - though fairly standard now - was completely new to me at the time. I can remember how uncomfortable I felt reading (or listening to - sometimes links were shared) revisionist things about World War II. It wasn't outright Holocaust denial content, more stuff that argued that the German people had legitimate grievances, or that the Nazis didn't actually want war. I can remember having a feeling that I was doing something wrong by even consuming the content. My desire to hear the alternative points of view overrode that though.

I could've shied away, but I'm glad I didn't, as you do have to hear all sides to get a rounded view. Of course, the fact that the German people had hardships and legitimate grievances doesn't excuse ending democracy, invading other countries and putting people in concentration camps, but it does give a deeper explanation. Again, it's more the feeling I'm reminded of though. That you were going somewhere you weren't supposed to go. The internet really did feel like a wide uncharted, and sometimes dangerous, ocean back then. It's seemingly a much more managed and homogeneous space now.

The Internet - Back in the Old Days: Part III

Today I want to reminisce about how the advent of blocking on Twitter (X) lifted a veil from my eyes. It was a real OMG, "Wow!" moment.

Yes, it's an Internet - Back in the Old Days article. PART III: Shocked by the Block.

Unlike most humans these days, who are forever stuck in the latest online moment, I don't have the memory of a goldfish. So I can remember what Twitter was like back before everyone was blocking everybody else. So allow me to be a modern day Samuel Pepys, as I take you back through my experience of living through these times.

I'll start a little further back - on Facebook.

I started using Facebook around 2012. I was a late-comer to it given my age. From the get-go I'd been instinctively wary of it. Viewing it essentially as an evil MySpace (I may do a future post about MySpace).

Anyway, I only really started using it as I'd somehow managed to (miraculously) develop a social life. I started working in a newly-opened, Poundland-type shop and became friends with the people I worked with. Being normal, they all used Facebook. So, naturally, I got sucked in. I actually enjoyed the novel experience at first. I was like, "Oh, this isn't actually too bad. It's a fun way to keep in touch and joke around." The thing was though, being new to it, and not being the most natural socialiser anyway, I didn't fully understand the etiquette. The dos and don'ts. Plus, I didn't quite realise just how seriously everyone else took it; that it wasn't just a silly online space, but an extension of real, personal life for most people. So there were quite a few cringe-inducing moments where I embarrassed myself or put my foot in it.

This gets me to the blocking. There were two girls I worked with (one I liked - a lot), and sometimes there'd be drama. I'd make a cocky joke that didn't get taken the right way, or there'd be some daft work issue that I'd inadvertently find myself on the wrong side of, and I'd later go online to find myself BLOCKED! Sometimes by one of the two girls, but usually (given they were 'besties') both.

So there was this continual back and forth. They'd get in a mood with me for some reason and I'd be blocked. Then, a week later, I'd be back in the good books and unblocked. Then, after a period of grace, (sometimes as long as a whole month if I was lucky), there'd be some other minor drama and I'd find myself excommunicated once again. And so it would go on. In fact, the only time I've ever blocked someone online myself is when I blocked these two. I knew I'd fallen into the bad books, so I quickly went online and pre-emptively blocked them before they'd have a chance to block me. Just as a joke. I got some amusement watching the response that week.

This is the thing though, and going back to my lack of experience with social media at the time. The first time the girl I liked blocked me I was genuinely quite shocked. In my head blocking someone seemed like a really serious thing to do. Like something you'd only use when dealing with a literal stalker or borderline criminal. It seemed almost akin to calling the police on someone. So, that first time I thought, "She's actually blocked me! What a little drama queen." It seemed so extreme and over the top that it was actually funny to me. Though I was also a little wounded.

Of course, I pretty quickly came to realise that all this was fairly normal behaviour for females on Facebook. That when they bitchily fall out with each other they reach for the block button. That if they think a lad is being an arsehole, or just plain annoying, they block him. It's not a huge deal. It's just a common social tool. A school playground, "I'm not talking to you anymore," type thing.

Twitter..

Fast forward a few years later. Twitter was a more grown-up place (at least relative to Facebook). It wasn't real life gossip and drama, but politics, art, debate, and everything else. You didn't tend to see people blocking each other like it was the school playground.

..but then that started to change.

I can't remember the exact changes to platform that facilitated this, or the exact years when they came into effect (I guess I do have a goldfish brain), but I remember the furores. The general view whenever such changes came along (at least in my circles) was that it was a terrible development. Another step towards making the once free internet less free. But, nevertheless, things were slowly streamlined in that direction.

And people, that you'd expect to refrain from such behaviour, suddenly started engaging in it. Like it was just perfectly normal. The old ways quickly forgotten. The sense of embarrassment that a person should have - that they're using a tool brought about with the intention of making women safe online from serial harassers - completely absent. Just, "I don't like your tone; I don't like your attitude; How dare you disagree with me! You're exiled from my kingdom! BLOCK!"

Like a delicate brat or impatient king.

All of a sudden lots of people were behaving exactly like the cute, foot-stamping missy I worked with. Journalists, academics, people whose content I watched. People I actually liked and respected. They were all throwing tantrums like moody checkout girls. And in a much worse way, as at least the checkout girl used to unblock me once her tantrum had subsided. Plus, to be fair, I was annoying her in real life too at times. With the people on Twitter it was just a cold use of power. Like swatting a fly.

It was a real eye-opener. An actual disappointment. I already somewhat lacked faith in authority and talking heads, but this took it to another level, and completely shattered any remaining illusion I had. "Wow, these people - the people in suits; the people running the country or presenting the news - they're just as petty as the average shopworker or playground schoolgirl. They're just as emotional and delicate, and unable to deal with criticism." It was a bit like at the start of COVID, when it suddenly dawned on you that most of your neighbours would gladly lock you up without a second thought for breaking curfew. The scales lifted from the eyes. A realisation that your respect had been truly misplaced. These people were never your equals, you'd been too generous.

After seeing grown men behave in such a way you really can't go back. The thought that there might be actual grown-ups, acting like grown-ups, somewhere in some ivory tower, exiled from your mind like they exiled you. In many ways it's another blessing the internet has given us. Even with the ever-increasing incursions into the free flow of information it remains the great leveller. Humans are just humans. Is it any wonder governments so readily censor people when the average person does the exact same thing when you give them a little button saying, "Excommunication." The promise that it would only be used to stop "genuine harassment" disappearing in a little puff of ego or temper tantrum.

Gold vs Platinum

I've had a cold this week, so I've been lounging around a bit. As ever though, I always find that during these bouts of snotty lounging I tend to find new avenues of interest. This time it was platinum that got me thinking. So I've been listening to talks about platinum and PGMs (platinum group metals).

Twenty odd years ago platinum was twice as valuable as gold - largely in thanks to its use in catalytic converters. Today, (with the hype for electric cars in full swing), gold is three times as expensive as platinum. So it's been quite a flip around.

It was always one of those odd little bits of trivia back in childhood. You'd make some reference to gold being the most valuable metal, then some other kid would chime in, "No, it's platinum. Platinum is more expensive than gold. My dad said!" Intuitively it always felt wrong, you'd even naively argue back against it. How can the most precious metal not be gold? It's gold. We all know that gold is the best. That's what gold means. It's golden coloured. How can something be more gold-like than gold itself? This feeling would then be heightened when you actually saw a piece of platinum jewellery and it looked ..silver.

Now gold is king again order is seemingly restored. So kids growing up today won't have the same sense of dissonance.

Anyway, it was jewellery that got me thinking. With the gold price so high, (will it keep going higher?), jewellery is getting more expensive for the average person buying a wedding ring or anniversary gift. The natural alternative is silver. However, for some occasions silver just won't do, as it comes with connotations of 'second best'. A lot of women aren't going to be too happy with second best. It likewise comes with a sense of cheapness. This is especially the case today with the price difference between gold and silver so large. Once gold was ten or fifteen times more expensive than silver. Now it's one hundred times more expensive.

So I was thinking, as gold climbs ever higher, will platinum jewellery increasingly fill the void. It is indeed more rare than gold, so doesn't come with the same connotations of second best. And it's still expensive, in spite of its current price relationship to gold, so comes with the reputation of expensive exclusivity. Platinum jewellery is also very beautiful. Having a sheen and brightness that silver can't quite match.

This might be amplified by the fact that gold is so heavily associated with finance and materialism these days. Men want it more than women do. So platinum could regain a sense of romance. That it's now less associated in the public mind with car parts may help this natural rebranding.

Magpies and Moodylocks

I always count magpies on my way to work. It's the one superstition I have. Of course, I know it's a superstition, and that I shouldn't read too much into it, but still, it's hard not to. "One for sorrow, two for joy ..I've only seen one, so that means bad luck today. I better be on my guard." The rhyme said so. And it's an old rhyme, handed down from long ago. From a world that had different knowledge. My mam taught me it. She got it from somewhere else. No classroom was needed. Somehow it survived into secular modernity. A catchy jingle from more superstitious times.

One for sorrow, two for joy. Three for a girl, four for a boy. Five for silver, six for gold. Seven for a story never to be told.

Fortunately (luckily), I generally see a lot of magpies on my way to work; on my little semi-nature trek over the River Tees. So I'm sometimes far beyond seven. Well into the realms of the untold. I'm actually quite fond of magpies too. I think they're very beautiful birds. They tend to get a bad rap - seen as thieves that steal shiny things, and as predators that bully other birds. (Pretty much everyone I know hates them.) Perhaps they are troublemakers, but the crisp distinction of the black against the white always leaves me impressed by the neat artistry of nature. There's also a slight iridescent blue to their dark feathers when you see them up close. They're well-turned out birds. The fact that they tend to pair bond for life gives an added admiration.

I also sometimes see swans on my way to work. These remind me of Helen of Troy. The real Helen of Troy - the one that's turned my brain to goo recently. The one who can't be named except in simile. (I noted once before on here that I tend to get the inspiration but not the girl when it comes to love. She's definitely in the moody muse category. So I think the pattern is most certainly continuing. That I'm here writing this probably tells you that.) It's said that Helen had skin so fair it was like the shell of a swan's egg. The real version even looks like a little swan when she's sat huddled over her mobile phone in the office.

The other birds that catch my thoughts are the collared doves that hang out in the garden. The current two are like boyfriend and girlfriend, inseparable, sitting for hours on the fence or in the tree branches. Just there, with each other. Timelessly. I sometimes feel a little jealous when I see them. I'd like to reincarnate as one. The calm peace of an easy love. It reminds me of years ago when I used to see wild rabbits on my way to work when I worked in a factory. I'd always think, "What a life. Just bouncing around, eating ever-available grass and having sex." Again, with a similar feeling that the animals have it better than Man.

(It seems birds, being creatures of the air, are more symbolic of love than sex. Closer to the heavens; less weighed down by the material earth. So perhaps with age my thinking is getting more ethereal.)

Incidentally, I also sometimes see rabbits on my way home from work. Their little white tails bobbing through the dusk like little headlights. Innocent and cute, bringing to the world a sense of Eden.

It was my walk home last night that inspired me to post this morning. After a day of failure I was thinking it was time to put the moody one fully out of my thoughts and dreams. I like her too much, but the moment has passed, and she likes me ever less. Anyway, as I was walking home, at about ten o'clock, in the dark, I first heard, then saw, two magpies. They were chattering away, making quite a racket, in a tree above a parked car with its engine still on. Dimly lit by the glow of streetlights.

Normally I never see magpies at night. In fact, when I count them on my way to work I bear this in mind. Having seen one before work I could then hold out hope of seeing a second when I finish. Rescuing me from the misfortune. Given it's night when I leave work though I know this cannot be. So the cut off point for prognostication is when I enter the building and start my shift. Consequently, seeing two at night, with my head so full of defeat and failure, felt like something of an omen. Not necessarily of good or bad portent, but more with a feeling of, "Okay, this is part of life's meaningful odyssey."

And fittingly I've just started reading Homer's Odyssey. (I did fear to read it as I found Homer's Iliad so boring. However, it's actually excellent. It reads like a work of fiction, not like a long poem - as per the Iliad. It also has medieval fairy tale type elements too. Such as Penelope's devoted love to Odysseus, and how she unpicks the shroud she's weaving every night by firelight to buy herself more time before having to remarry. Upholding the troubadour ideal of true love as divine and time-conquering.)

In the Odyssey there's a bit where Zeus sends two eagles across the sky as an omen. This is then interpreted by an older man (Halitherses) who's experienced in "bird lore and soothsaying." It reminded me that fortune telling by birds was once a common thing. It also reminds me of the book, The Alchemist, another tale of an odyssey or journey with elements of bird divination.

As I go through life it's hard not to feel like an Odysseus type figure. Being both helped and tormented by the gods. Though I suspect I may be more the "auburn haired" Menelaus at this point.

The 2p Copper Coin ..and John Lennon

Just a teeny weeny post today. Revisiting a recurring topic: the value of the copper in a (pre-1992) UK two pence coin.

Last time I checked, back in 2022, the value was (approx.) 4.7p.

Today it stands at 5.2p.

So an increase. Inversely, thanks to a decrease in the nickel price since then, the value of the raw metal in a (pre-2012) UK 5p coin has fallen. It was 3.2p, now it's 2.8p.

Finally, just to add some colour, I'll share a picture of an old John Lennon book that arrived in the house yesterday. It was given by an old woman to my mam (also an old woman). She won't read this.

Continuing the music theme from yesterday.

Female-Facing Rock Bands

I'm not really sure where to start with this post, but I want to explore the way some bands tend to appeal to women more so than others.

I did try to get some stats on which bands sell a higher percentage of their tickets/records to female fans, but couldn't find any. So I'm going to have to go entirely on anecdote and my own biased sense of how things are.

Bands that I tend to think of as appealing to women more than average are Fleetwood Mac, the Eagles, Bon Jovi, INXS (though this could just be because the singer is good-looking - an issue that's hard to factor out). As per my last post, a modern example would be The 1975. I think Bryan Adams fits this label too. A label I'm terming female-facing.

I think another good indication of whether a band/artist makes this list is if they tend to get a bit of dislike from males in the opposing direction. Like how a lot of people will actively dislike the Eagles. Though again, we're in subjective territory here.

Once (if) you acknowledge this as a real thing the question then is, why? What is it about the attitude or music that makes this the case?

Guitar Shapes

Another thing that adds into this in a vague sort of way is the symbolism and subtext of guitar shapes. I remember hearing somebody mention that round-bodied guitars are shaped like the female body, whereas the more slender Stratocaster-type guitars are more phallic-shaped. (We've all seen the hair metal guitarists thrusting their guitars forward with their hips - Spinal Tap style - as they play their "solos"). Hence it's been said that troubadours playing round-bodied guitars are symbolically caressing the female body, whilst the rockers thrusting their amped-up phalluses forward are, well ..going solo, so to speak. And that, furthermore, women are more impressed by the narrative, storytelling and emotion of the troubadour. And that it tends to be other men that are impressed by the thrust of the soloist. Watching on from the audience, seeking to emulate their strutting hero, with his big, powerful guitar.

Anecdotally this does seem to be the case, with the hard rock audience tending to be very male heavy. Whilst the emotive balladeer attracts the female gaze. Something you'd perhaps expect, given the dichotomy of men tending to be visual and women tending to prefer narrative. A la pin-ups and romance novels.

This all would then suggest that the bands that appeal more so to women play into this narrative and emotive angle. Either deliberately or naturally/accidentally.

Men want to impress women. Yet men also want to impress other men in this male dominated world. Or in male dominated pursuits/environments, be they sport or music or whatever else. So it's kind of a question of who they want to impress more. Are they more orientated to the females watching/listening or the other men?

Are they male-facing or female-facing?

Again, some people may just have a natural inclination one way or the other. However, you could also write a song thinking, "Will this appeal to a woman? Will the average woman want to walk out of the room if she sees/hears this, or will she be drawn to stay?" As above, you would then run the risk of displeasing your male peers though, who may see your female-leaning music as a bit too soft or delicate or romantic.

The Eagles

Finally, the Eagles as a band definitely have the emotive storytelling that would appeal to women. Most of their songs are about women and relationships. Think songs like Lyin' Eyes or Peaceful Easy Feeling. However, the Eagles aren't shy of a guitar solo as well. Without wanting to get too crude, perhaps the Eagles are the appeal to women band (and the hated by other men band) because they've perfected the art of female-facing music. Getting things started with the storytelling and troubadour emotions, then only bringing the phallic-shaped solos out once the mood is right, lol. Only moving from soft rock to hard rock later in the evening, when the lights are down. I've also seen it mentioned online that they were the most misogynistic American band of all time. So maybe that had something to do with it too, lol.

If only I'd have understood all this when I started playing in bands myself twenty years ago.

The Tale of Two Somebodies

To follow up on that last post. It occurs to me that today music seems to be much more sex-focused than love-focused. This might just be me getting older (am I even in a position to know what the music world looks like these days?). So I may be biased. It's hard not to be left with this sense though.

Like wider society, modern music seems to be sex and hook-up focused. A sense of true love is still in there somewhat, I guess, but it struggles to get out. So I think that depth of ambivalence I mentioned in the last post is more lacking.

Two more recent songs come to mind when I think about this. The first is the track, "Somebody Else," by The 1975. (The 1975 are female-facing band - that's female-facing, not female-fronted. This is a nice segue into my next post.) I heard this song about a year or so ago in a bus station of all places. It grabbed me a little bit, though I've never been a huge fan of the band. It's about having to imagine someone you have feelings for being with somebody else. And it does capture this feeling quite effectively. It's a good song, and like the songs mentioned in the last post, it manages to convey the sense of mixed feelings.

These feelings are no doubt particularly relatable to the youngsters of this current generation, who are growing up in a world where true love has been bludgeoned to death by materialism, and where people exist within dating apps and hook-up culture. (Though, conversely, a large number of young people aren't hooking up at all, and just have to live with the feelings, within this wider plastic culture.)

Somebody Else comes with this sense that it exists in a modern world where meaning has been stripped, and things (even intimate relationships) are throwaway commodities. However, the song does convey the very real feelings of a person experiencing this.

The second song is kind of a darker version of this. It's the song, "Somebody That I Used To Know," by Gotye. Full disclosure: I hate this song. It doesn't help that it's been played to death over this last decade, and you can't go anywhere without hearing it. Consequently, it doesn't need explaining. Everyone will have heard it. Just for the record though, it's about someone completely cutting someone off after a break up. I think it's probably been such a huge hit because so many people have had this exact experience in today's world. Again, where even people you were intimate with are discardable.

I think this song's so much darker though as it's kind of resigned to this modern materialistic worldview. There's no sense that the love once meant something, and that it still means something, if only in memory. It's complete obliteration. The annihilation of all attachment between the two people. Of course, the person writing the song wouldn't be writing it if it didn't mean anything, and I'm sure people will say, "Yes, that's the idea." The singer is saying, "You're just somebody that I used to know," but obviously that isn't truly the case. Still, the sense of resignation and coldness is pervasive. Even the music feels cold. (Perhaps I'm being really unfair here, lol. Maybe it just isn't my cup of tea musically.)

Whereas Somebody Else, even though it also speaks of a love "gone cold," still captures and expresses some care and emotion. It even mentions the word soul.

"You're intertwining your soul with somebody else."

With Somebody That I Used To Know the soul feels absent and unbelieved-in. It really speaks of a generation of people that are longing for meaning, in a world where they've been told everything is simply random and accidental.

If It Makes You Happy

One of my favourite songs is "If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow. The other day my friend asked me that classic Desert Island Discs type question of what song you would save if you could only save one. I chose this. His text back response was, "Really?". So I guess he doesn't rate it as highly as I do, and was expecting something a bit more obscure and exclusive.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how the best songs (at least in my opinion) tend to capture feelings of ambivalence. They're not outright happy, upbeat songs, nor are they sad songs. They tend to convey a mix of feelings. If It Makes You Happy is a great case in point, as the chorus literally contains the words sad and happy in the chorus.

"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Of course, in life things are often like this. We feel a mix of things at the same time. Things can be bittersweet, or just complex and confounding. Your love for someone might be uplifting, but you're sad because you can't be with that person. Or you're remembering a happy memory, but there's a current sadness that it's now gone. Truly great songs often capture some sense of this.

I'll list a few that spring to mind.

Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

It's hard to analyse this one, (I'm not even entirely sure what it's about), but it definitely has that mix of feeling melancholy, but upbeat.

Wonderwall - Oasis

Another that's upbeat, but not upbeat. In fact, I think Noel Gallagher has an especial knack for capturing feelings of ambivalence in his music. It may be partly the reason for the huge success of Oasis. There's lots of definitely and maybe. "Maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.." There's this positive sense of, "Yes, we're going to conquer the world," in his music, but its also tinged with memory and whimsy.

Help - The Beatles

This has that feel too to me. I'm not fully sure why, though I suppose it could just be that the song is so upbeat in feel, yet the topic is one of needing help. Though even in the lyrics there's the juxtaposition of, "When I was younger.." I didn't need help, but now I do. And once again we have memories of feelings from before juxtaposed with feelings of today.

Incidentally, the other big song from What's The Story? was Don't Look Back in Anger. Another song about memories and looking back. However, it's don't look back in anger - the anger being an emotion of the here and now as we look back. So it intertwines these different senses. There's no anger or rage in the feel of the song, but it's there in the very title.

No doubt this list could be endless. Another that springs to mind is Beetlebum by Blur, which has that upbeat melancholy thing going on. Also, as I'm writing the words 'no doubt,' No Doubt's Don't Speak comes to mind. That's uplifting to listen to, but it's sad in feel. I'm not sure why.

I'm tempted to wander off into some philosophical musings about how love is transcendent, and that memories or thoughts of people we love transcend the particular moment of misery/loneliness/dissatisfaction that we find ourselves in. And that great music captures and expresses this.

But I probably shouldn't. Though I kind of just have.

Lowe Point

I don't normally post just after I've finished work, (I'm thinking twice about it even now), but the events of the last few days need recounting. Let's be quick, I need to speak in bullet points.

Basically, the MP Rupert Lowe has been kicked out of Reform. (There are various allegations/investigations going on, which, in the round, are irrelevant to me, so I'll forgo them.)

The wider business all started a few months ago, when Elon Musk tweeted out that Nigel Farage needed replacing as leader of Reform. This happened in a broader context of the online right criticising Farage for not wanting to hang out with Tommy Robinson. Amidst that flurry there were polls and questions about who should replace Farage (of course, the people wanting him gone had no idea what would come next). Rupert Lowe tended to top these polls. So, since then, we've had this endless online nudging and campaigning for Lowe to become leader, alongside the unrelenting criticism of Farage.

One thing they've been pushing Farage to do is use the term, "Mass Deportations." The term is vague (perhaps deliberately so). On initial hearing it implies that huge numbers of settled people will be sent back, but it can be reconstrued to just mean those here illegally. So it's imprecise and incendiary. I'm trying to play things with a straight bat these days, but obviously these attempts to push Reform into extreme positions and language feel like sabotage.

Anyway, now Lowe has been ejected - and it's come as something of a shock to all the troublemakers.

I think these people thought that with Lowe being an MP and with Reform having just five MPs there was zero chance they'd push him out. Big mistake. They just don't understand that Farage has spent the last twenty years dealing with people trying to misdirect or sabotage his political vehicles. He literally ditched an entire party he'd created (UKIP), because it was so full of troublemakers, and started a new one from scratch. So, yes, it's not ideal booting Lowe out, but it's better to deal with the problem now than to allow it to linger on for months and years.

It's been fun to watch. The agitators are now completely outside the party. (Whether Rupert Lowe himself is a deliberate agitator or not I don't know - he could just be someone with genuine views who's been a useful crowbar for people wanting to undermine Farage.) Either way, the people criticising Farage are now really throwing their toys out of the pram. We've had some right little tantrums.

What happens now will be interesting. They can kick him out of the party, but they can't kick him out of parliament. Personally, I don't think they'll let him back in the party. I suspect the explosive nature of the spat is deliberate to make sure the bridges are fully burnt. I think the people on the other side (when they've calmed down) might want a burying of the hatchet - to get a toe hold once again. However, I think they've been snookered, and all their crying and online outrage will ebb away like all the other online dramas.

Childhood, Part 2: The Little "Red" Bull

That reminiscence then reminded me of something else. Namely, how I never believed in Father Christmas.

I can't ever recall ever believing Santa was real as a child. Consequently, it always comes as a slight shock when people state that they actually did. When people ask, "How old were you when you found out Father Christmas wasn't real?", I can't quite believe they're asking me it.

I've had this conversation as an adult and as a child. Recently, a friend matter-of-factly told me he remembers when he first found out and the sense of disappointment he had at the time. I can likewise remember being nine/ten years old and having the same conversation. They'd say something like, "When did you find out? I was six," and I'd be like, "What?"

And these were usually kids that were much more streetwise than me, and from rougher homes. It seemed so odd that they actually believed in Santa.

I'd always just assumed that everyone knew it was a fun little thing that we all paid lip service to. Like, yes, I'll say I believe if that's the hoop I need to jump through to get the presents. That's the game, you don't need to tell me twice.

Surely this is what every other kid did too? I didn't think people actually believed there was an actual Santa Claus.

Am I Mis-Reminiscing ?

Anyway, thinking about that got me wondering if perhaps I was misremembering things. Maybe there was a point when I genuinely believed, but it was simply prior to how far back my recall goes. I can definitely remember being very small - circa nursery age - and being a bit incredulous that my mam was trying to reason me into believing it. We had one of those old gas fire fronts with a grill, so no one was coming down the chimney. "If he can't come down the chimney he can get in other ways," she said.

"So he has a key? Why bother coming down chimneys at all when he can just go through the door?"

It seemed so silly to me even back then. Again though, maybe before that I believed in the silliness and I just can't remember doing so.

The Little Red Bull

That then got me trying to think what my earliest memories were. It's a real struggle to remember anything before nursery age. I have barely any memories (if any) of being a baby, or even a half-walking toddler.

The earliest that comes to mind is of me being sung a nursery rhyme about a little red bull. However, I must have been old enough to speak, as I can recall asking my mam to sing it again, and I can also recall questioning what it was about. Something about it disturbed me a little. It felt old, like it carried some ancient pagan message or wisdom. I also recollect my mam not wanting to sing it at one point, like it was something she sang to me when I was an actual baby, but that she felt more embarrassed about singing as I became an older toddler.

Anyhow, out of curiosity, I looked it up and it turned out to be the song, Little White Bull, by the 50s singer/actor Tommy Steele, lol. At first I wondered why I'd misremembered it as red, but my mam used to sing red instead of white because I had red hair. So I guess that's why I also felt it carried some sort of message - as it did. The song's about a white bull standing out amongst the other black bulls. For me it was changed to a red-haired one amidst the black-haired. Of course, I wasn't really too aware of my hair colour back then, so I guess I had this curious feeling of, "What are you getting at with this, mam? What does this mean?"

I'm also a Taurus by star sign, so there was a double meaning implied. That was always something that didn't sit well with me either. I've never felt any sort of kinship with the bull. A fox, yes. A rabbit or cat maybe, a dragon - it's possible, but I just don't see myself as a bull, and never did. So it always felt unapt.

There's a language of the animals. The bull is strong (and vigorous), the fox, cunning. The tortoise slow, the hare, fast. The sneaky snake and the innocent lamb. The brave lion, the greedy pig, the graceful swan.

There's a weird truth to all these associations. However, the bull is a strange one. As it's the embodiment of strength and fertility, yet it's also captive. So it's both powerful and disempowered. Strong and fecund, but fenced in - and there to be sacrificed whenever man chooses. (Incidentally, there's also the sacrificial red heifer too, though a heifer is a female). Either way, as a child I somehow managed to spin a 1950's children's pop song into something akin to an ancient Minoan rite.

And perhaps with me feeling trapped within man's fences - albeit of school and society - the bull was more apt a totem than I realised.