More Drinks

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 5 - More Drinks

Anecdote three. Actually, there was a little bit of an anecdote in that last chapter wasn't there. The bit where I was unfairly called "boring," so I guess it's anecdote four. This one is also night out related. Well, more evening at the pub related, but these days it's the closest we get.

It wasn't quite a pub where you drink shots of vodka, more a place where the people drink real ale. The type of people that like obscure real ale, from obscure little breweries, with funny little names. Where each initial sip comes with commentaries about the tanginess or fruitiness. The "grassy, earthy" flavour, or the "caramel" or "liquorice-like" aftertaste. The "Ooh, isn't this obscure." It comes with many of the pretensions you might normally associate with wine tasting. Though more beardy, and absent the elegant women.

It was also an arty, music type venue. Folk nights, open mic nights, quiz nights, arty spoken word poetry type nights. You get the picture. I'd came to see my friend play, so was in a friend of a friend type situation. On my own and talking to people that I vaguely knew through this one friend. Naturally music came up as a topic. I was asked by one guy what I'd been listening to. (Sorry for the sense of déjà vu.) We had another Spice Girls situation on our hands. This time it wasn't quite as bad. I'd been listening to funk music. Nothing obscure, just 70s chart type funk, blending into disco. The sort of stuff you get on re-runs of Top of the Pops.

I'd always hated funk and disco music growing up. I put this down to cultural bias in retrospect, as I foreshadowed in the second chapter. I grew up in a white, melodic rock household, so funk and disco were a bit foreign and unfamiliar. Again, it's similar to food. We like what we're familiar with, so unfamiliar things fill us with a sense of discord and apprehension. It takes a little bit of effort or cultural conditioning to overcome this. The first time I had Uncle Ben's Spicy Mexican Rice I was in uncharted territory. Now I eat it every week. It takes time to try new things, there's the danger you might not like it if you try it. If you're hungry it's easier to "just have chips." The familiar groove. The dependable, if boring, sense of fulfilment.

Anyhow, over the years my bias against funk and disco had gradually softened up. The odd song had made it through my defences. However, what had pushed me this time was simply the fact that a 70s radio station had been on in the background at work. I found myself singing along to a few of the songs (in my head, not out loud, I'm not that brave at work). Like with the Uncle Ben's rice, or should I say Ben's Original now thanks to woke-ism, I'd found a new taste I liked. "I quite like these adzuki beans," I thought, "..whatever they are." So I went home, searched on YouTube, and added the new songs to my roster.

Funk music is actually quite cool, so it shouldn't have went down too badly, but we were dealing with real ale drinkers here. I said "Funk" in response to the question, there was a slight look of disappointment, followed by a hopeful, "What type of funk?". When I said "'Upside Down' by Diana Ross, just that type of stuff," it sealed the deal. Any friend-of-a-friend reputation I had for being interesting went in a little beardy puff of smoke. They wanted some priestly baubles, some esoteric delights. They didn't want to be discussing music that normal, everyday people listened to on the work radio. Like with the ale, they wanted something with the appearance of novelty. A rare flavour. A sense of exclusivity.

"These people can't appreciate that strawberry jam is the best jam," I said to my friend as we walked home afterwards.

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 6 - Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Yey, we've reached the title of the booklet. It was always the plan. I think in that pub I began with a little bit of credibility, no doubt thanks to my friend mentioning me to these friends-of-friends in half decent terms. After all, I am interesting, in spite of what that bargirl said. Just look at me, writing little essays about funk, strawberry jam and the Spice Girls. Who else is doing this? If I wasn't the most interesting person in that pub I was easily in the top three. So there was a little bit of hope in the room when I opened my mouth, but it was quickly dashed. It's like they came to me expecting a banquet and found me eating a jam sandwich.

Now strawberry jam is the best jam. Of course, not everyone likes strawberry jam in actuality, nor jam in general for that matter. You may be reading this thinking that all jam is just icky congealed gloop. The point is though, yours would be an honest assessment. An assessment based on your actual sense of taste. Not a choice made with a desire to fulfil a self-image. Either way, whether you actually like jam or not, you should be able to recognise that strawberry jam is king. If you can't acknowledge to yourself that strawberry jam - the popular, obvious choice - is the best jam - especially if that's what your taste buds tell you - then you'll never have a true north star when it comes to judgement. Your taste compass will always be off. Corrupted by your desire to appear more intelligent in the eyes of others.

The average person, if asked for their favourite jam, will give strawberry as the answer. If not strawberry it'll be some other popular choice - maybe marmalade or blackcurrant. (If they're really odd it might be lemon curd.) However, the cultured person will give a different answer when asked. "Actually, there's this wonderful little farmers' market, just outside town, they do this lovely gooseberry jam with a hint of cinnamon."

Now it may seem like I'm picking on these people for being pretentious, and, let's be honest, I am. However, the important point, the actual point, is that they often end up living a life of self-deception. Denying their senses what they truly desire, solely to please a societal self-image. And in their head, like the child with his energy drink, they'll truly believe that the obscure jam is their favourite. The very thought that the pedestrian choice could be best is anathema.

It's a bit of a silly example, after all, it's just jam. It gets to the nub so beautifully though. Freshly baked bread and strawberry jam is lovely. No matter how common it is. In fact, it is common because it is lovely. Imagine how beautiful strawberries would taste had you never tasted one before. Had they arrived from some newly discovered continent as an exotic fruit. Again, if you were on a desert island with all these jams placed before you, completely free from prior social influence, would you really choose the gooseberry and cinnamon?

This easy example also goes to show how intelligent people are much more cursed by this desire for status than average folk. As at least for average people there's a 'wisdom of the crowd' type aspect to the trends they flock to. For the intellectual however, seeking his separate, exclusive club, he defines himself in the opposite. If the mob are choosing it, he, or she, will seek something other. If the plebs are eating jam and bread, he will have caviar.

I know which I choose.

You come to my table, hoping for rare dishes and exotic delights, but you cannot value the simple strawberry. Nor the funk classic, nor the 90s pop hit.

Little Boy Blue

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 7 - Little Boy Blue

Imagine two children. An elder brother and a younger brother. The mother of these two children brings back two toy trains from the toy shop. A red one and a blue one. The elder brother takes the red train. "Red's my favourite colour!" The younger brother, by default, is then left with the blue train.

Blue now has to be the younger child's favourite colour ..their badge, their standard. As red is already taken. If they say that red is their "favourite colour" too, they get accused of copying. Plus, if they both have red trains, how will they know which is which? This simple reality may then become part of that child's self-image. "Yes, my favourite colour is blue!" Even though it's not a reflection of their actual taste, more a reflection of their circumstance. (Though to some extent our real tastes are partly a product of circumstance, and circumstance can imbue meaning. A Sweater Shop jumper once worn by a girl you had a crush on has its beauty and meaning enhanced by her presence. Though the stripey jumper, with its pretty colours, may have already had something of an aesthetic appeal to begin with.)

Another 90s reference for you there.

Of course, it doesn't have to be blue, it could be any colour. "What about orange? You like orange. Orange is a cool colour. Why not get an orange train?" Either way, you get the idea.

Parents often put their children on different teams when it comes to actual personality traits too. If one child is a bit noisy and out-going the other child becomes "the quiet one" by default. Personalities do naturally differ, however, the truth is, the differences are rarely large, especially between siblings. Parents noticing these differences will often over-exaggerate them though. "Stevie's a little tearaway, he's always getting into bother, but Timmy is no bother at all, you never hear a peep from him." Once typecast in such a way it can become hard to escape the label and expectations.

The reality is, we can all be quiet or loud at times. Troublesome or well-behaved. The full spectrum of human emotion and behaviour a possibility in all of us. Just as the entire spectrum of colours is open to our choice and appreciation. Not just blue or red.

Long Hair Is For Girls

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 8 - Long Hair Is For Girls

It's also worth noting that aesthetic taste can naturally override social cost at times. It's not all one way. Long hair is a good example, and this one relates to me somewhat. Despite being male I've always preferred having long hair. As a teenager and young adult it was just "what I liked." Long hair obviously looked better I thought, and I always instinctively felt that short hair looked angular and ugly. I preferred, and still prefer (though it matters increasingly less these days), the way I look with long hair when I see myself in the mirror. A short, army-style haircut just doesn't appeal to me.

However, it slowly dawned on me - a little too slowly - that what "I like" isn't necessarily what everyone else likes. I may like long, feminine locks, but perhaps that's because I like females, and as a consequence, by nature, that's what defines my notions of beauty. So my personal fashion choices are warped a tad by a sense of what I find appealing. Females, on the other hand, admire males, so they may not be too impressed by guys with girly waves of hair. Maybe the girl in the Sweater Shop jumper would've liked me a little more had I paid more attention to what she liked and focused less on appealing to my own tastes. Though Mick Jagger didn't do too badly, so I can't blame it entirely on the hair.

Most people understand all this instinctively, just as I instinctively once understood that it made sense to "hate" the Spice Girls. At that age I also understood how long hair on males was viewed, however I guess the pull of my own tastes was just too strong on that one. Plus, it must be said, I was never quite the epitome of laddishness, so my instincts probably weren't quite as strong as they otherwise would've been. In fact, another example of the teenage me lying about the Spice Girls serves as a good case in point. Though I played football, and was laddish enough to "hate" pop music, I wasn't quite laddish enough to be entirely upfront about how much I liked the Spice Girls, and girls in general - as in, like liked. Even at the age of fourteen or fifteen I found it incredibly embarrassing admitting that the image of Ginger Spice, overspilling from a union jack dress, appealed to me on a primal level. "No," I'd protest, "I don't care about girls." So I was a bit too delicate for sure. Maybe explaining the hair.

This is where our natural personalities do break the social mould. I remember watching wrestling as a child. My favourite wrestler was always Bret 'The Hitman' Hart. Most the other kids liked Hulk Hogan or the British Bulldog, or some other stereotype of masculinity. Whereas the eight year old me aspired to imitate the guy with long hair, sunglasses, jeans and a pink leotard. I wanted to beat everyone up in the Royal Rumble, but I needed to do it with a bit of poetic cool. Some subconscious feminine flourish. Even at that age the He-Man archetype didn't hold much appeal. So perhaps I was always destined by nature to be a long-haired fop.

The characters in wrestling, and in the Spice Girls, clearly appeal to these natural personality variations that exist. A certain percentage of boys will want the Bret 'The Hitman' Hart action figure instead of the Hulk Hogan one. Likewise, for every girl aspiring to be 'Ginger' or 'Baby' Spice, some will prefer to be 'Sporty'. Another 90s thing that held this appeal was the TV show Friends. For girls you could be the good-looking, slightly ditzy one (Rachel), or the bossy, get-things-done one (Monica), or the quirky one (Phoebe). Likewise, for males you had the dichotomy of Joey and Chandler - the dim, alpha male and the smart, wise-cracking beta. With Ross as the everyman, in touch with his emotions. Navigating the adult responsibilities the other two didn't have.

I remember (anecdote time) when Friends first blew up in the 90s. I'd never watched it, but I'd heard the name bandied about and knew that other people at school watched it. At the time the name just sounded really gay to me. Not gay gay, but gay gay - though the two uses of the word are, of course, related. In fact, to detour a little, this is the thing with language, it naturally evolves. Words become popular because they accurately convey a meaning. You can try to be clever as a writer and find "more articulate" ways of saying things, but you can't really beat the natural swamp of human culture. Millions of people, talking every day, having to communicate. I could describe the name Friends as "twee", but that word wouldn't be quite right. Plus, a teenager would never use that word. Gay is the right word. Yes, it is a bit offensive, but it also conveys the impression accurately. So I can be honest and use it, or dishonest/inaccurate and not. I can't have it both ways.

It's similar with emoticons and text-speak. A few times in this little series of pieces I've used "lol". It's not conventional to use these expressions in "proper" writing, and they're considered low-brow, as they're associated with idiot teenagers texting each other. So you will definitely lose social brownie points for using them. However, at the same time, "lol" is so common because it's actually very useful. When we communicate in person we can use intonation, gestures, facial expressions. They all help to convey sentiment. With the written word we lack those things, so terms like "lol" do help. Your teacher or intellectual friend might say, "No, no, no ..you should improve your writing skills and vocabulary to better communicate using the written word. Text-speak is lazy and bad practice!" However, those people don't complain when they're reading something that uses italics, which also adds tone and emphasis to text. Again, there's no right or wrong. You just have to accept you can't have it all ways. Just as with the balance between being honest and being sociable, there are downsides whichever way you want to go. For me it's "lol" all the way, but I've probably already burned more bridges than you have.

Anyway, back to Friends, lol, I remember wondering why the tougher and cooler kids were watching something with such a gay-sounding name. I also remember noticing at one point that almost everyone in my class had started acting differently. The girls and boys suddenly adopted slightly different mannerisms. One lad even started using emphasis in his sentences differently, "..could I be anymore bored of this." (Look how useful that emphasis is.) I noticed this behaviour change, but didn't understand it. Then I finally saw an episode of Friends. "Ah, they're all imitating characters from this show," I realised. "Could that guy be anymore Chandler." It was a bit disappointing seeing how easily their personalities had all been flipped by a TV show, but I guess in hindsight it was in many ways tapping into characters they already possessed to some degree. Of course, having finally seen an episode I started watching it as well ..begrudgingly. It was a little too sentimental for my tastes overall, but, admittedly, it was a good show. It would've been another teenage lie to argue otherwise, though I had a good go as I continued watching it.

Naturally I resonated with Chandler the most too.

The Greatest Hits

Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 9 - The Greatest Hits

Would I order a jam sandwich if I was out at a restaurant? Probably not. Though perhaps if I was into my food as much as I'm into my music I would. Maybe if I'd wanted to be a chef instead of an Arctic Monkey I'd be putting down a marker. Maybe at my own restaurant I'd be going full punk. "Let's give the people what they really want !"

"Yes, Madam, if you want beans on toast, you can have that ..and no, I won't be adding any fancy seasoning to make it look more up-market. Just straight out the tin, onto the toast. As you'd have it at home. You don't have to fake it here."

Now a person may sit happily eating beans on toast if they're at home, in their own home, but they wouldn't order this in a restaurant. They'd order something more appropriate to the situation, whatever their belly wanted. Plus, the whole point of heading out to eat is to do something special and fancy. So it would defeat the purpose somewhat. The point of this little series isn't really to be puritanical about taste though. As I noted earlier, it's more just about being mindful of these influences. Being aware that social pressures can affect our choices (in ways we often don't realise) when it comes to food, music and many other things, and that likewise, being honest about our genuine likes and tastes can come at a social cost.

Self-awareness gives you a bit more freedom. You can weigh up the pros and cons more easily.

I'll finish with one last anecdote. When I told my friend I was writing this he mentioned a time when he was travelling in a car with another friend. It was a longish journey, and they'd spent the time listening to two albums: The Police's Greatest Hits, and Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd, with The Police, by far, getting the prominent share of the air time. Anyway, when they reached their destination - another friend's house - this other friend asked what they'd been listening to on the journey. The first friend, without missing a beat, stated Dark Side of the Moon. When my friend pointed out that the Greatest Hits had had a fair bit of journey time too, the first friend then played this down lol. As if, really, they hadn't been listening to it at all. Obviously it didn't carry the same cultural gravitas. Hearing this did make me laugh out loud. The Greatest Hits of The Police is a pretty impressive collection of songs. Many would say classic collection. If it was something in the actual mould of the Spice Girls you could understand the shirking of association, but here we see a higher level of wanting to be niche. A true desire to be interesting, that craves only association with the most critically acclaimed and esoteric rarities. It's a sad situation that many true music fans fall into.

I must admit though, prejudice against "greatest hits" is something I too used to suffer from. Even long after I'd made peace with the Spice Girls. Listening to a "greatest hits" or "best of" collection kind of suggests you're not a "real" fan. You just want the popular hits. You don't want or appreciate the hidden gems and more obscure albums. So it's not really the done thing. However, it is the strawberry jam of a band's back catalogue. The "best of" generally is the best stuff. Admittedly there's the problem that the track choice has been curated by someone other than the band members, but still, generally, the public gets what the public wants. So if you're downplaying a greatest hits, to the point where you're reluctant to admit you've even listened to it, you've probably went too far in your quest for coolness. It's much better to come back down to earth, so you can enjoy the good things in life once again.

Strawberry Jam is the Best Jam - Contents

I haven't posted much on here over the last month or so, however, I have been busy ..and no, I wasn't busy the whole month making AI Brexit Girl images. I did say, back in December, that I was going to do an article explaining how to 'fix your aesthetic compass using strawberry jam.' I had a little too much to say for a single article though, so it morphed into a little booklet or series of articles. That's finished now, so I can finally upload it here. The writing style is slightly different to my normal style, meaning I'm not entirely sure if it's horrendous or not. If I'm happy with it in six months' time I'll turn it into a little PDF, if not it'll just remain here, hidden amidst the weeds of old opinions. I'll upload the chapters or pieces in reverse order, just so they flow in the right direction for anyone visiting the blog page.

Chapter 1 - The Spice Girls

Chapter 2 - The Spice Girls vs Nirvana

Chapter 3 - Energy Drinks

Chapter 4 - Alcohol

Chapter 5 - More Drinks

Chapter 6 - Strawberry Jam Is The Best Jam

Chapter 7 - Little Boy Blue

Chapter 8 - Long Hair Is For Girls

Chapter 9 - The Greatest Hits

The Adventures of Brexit Girl

I've been playing around with AI and I've came up with a new superhero. (Yes, this is what people with too much time on their hands do.)

It's Brexit Girl. With so many media polls seeming to show support for Brexit at an all time low I figured we needed some help. She has a pet fox called "Sovereign" and spends her time beating up people like Guy Verhofstadt, Batman-style.

I already have a full comic book world order mapped out. Her arch nemesis is 'Stop Brexit Man' Steve Bray, who answers directly to Cardinal Richelieu from Dogtanian.

(28 views; the sheer reach we have)

Obviously, all great heroes need to be flawed, so I was thinking her major flaw could be stupidity (dressed up as ditziness). I like the idea of her conforming to the stereotype Remainers have of Brexiteers. Like she doesn't know what the Schengen Area is, but still ends up winning the day each episode, to their frustration.

Incidentally, I used Gencraft to make the image. You get 10 free image prompts a day with a free account. It's a little hit and miss, but fun to play around with. If you want to make your own Brexit Girl it's: female superhero; anime; orange red hair; pet fox; union jack outfit ..and variations on that theme.