Royal Purple

As promised earlier I'll relay my observations on the Riverside minute's silence. Things were actually fairly good. Pretty much everyone was nice and respectful, and the minute's silence was silent bar the odd mobile phone accidentally going off. It wasn't a packed stadium, so it wasn't especially dramatic, but it was fitting and appropriate.

Afterwards they played 'God Save the King' and plenty sung along. I didn't sing - partly because the people around me weren't singing (I'm most definitely not a ringleader when it comes to singing at football matches), but also partly because it felt like too much. Weirdly the thought of my mam turning on the TV and seeing me singing was what swung it.

On my mam's side of the family they're most definitely republican. I'm often regaled with the story of how my nanna came and dragged my mam away from a school trip after it was found they were going to line the streets for a visiting royal. Likewise I've often heard how my uncle used to write in brackets on his tax returns, "I don't want any of this going to the royal family".

So coming out in support of constitutional monarchy I feel a bit like I did when I voted Conservative for the first time. Like I'm going against tradition. In footballing terms it's like I've decided to suddenly become a Sunderland fan after all these years.

So moderation was the order of the evening.

A few pictures. The first I took this evening on the way home showing Middlesbrough library lit in purple. The second from yesterday showing the museum. The museum looks ominous at the best of times.

Book Burning

I was also thinking today that it's time to stop posting on here daily. I really enjoy doing it, but it's taking up too much time. I really want to start properly storyboarding the part II of my fiction. I'm off work on holiday this week but I've already burned through Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and got very little done. So I need to prioritise my screen time - there's only so much time you can spend eye-balling a laptop screen before your zest goes.

Again, I like posting here, but I'm just being lazy and posting whatever springs to mind most of the time. Plus it's giving me an excuse to put off doing the writing that actually takes some mental effort.

In the few months I've been posting regularly I've covered the new prime minister and the passing of the Queen, so I think I've managed to catch the important things. Though I've always said that the death of the Queen would be the starting pistol for all of Britain's enemies, so maybe things are only just beginning (hopefully that was just overdramatization on my part).

I'll still post intermittently as before, and if freeze-ageddon happens I'll click back into gear. Then again, saying that, it might be better to just crack on with my novel by candlelight if that happens.

I have bought the candles just in case.

Social Fieldwork

I'm off to a football match later today, so it'll be interesting to see what the tributes are like. I'm not sure what to expect. I'm up north so it's not the most royalist part of the country, though these days the north tends to be more cool with being British than the rest of the country. I'll give an appraisal tomorrow, or maybe tonight.

Think I might wear a black hoodie as a mark of respect lol.

Effing and Blinding

I originally made a few notes earlier today before I left the house, to remind me what I intended to write about. I still have the notes here; indeed I still have complete recall of what I was thinking about. However, though it all remains I feel the moment has passed, and as I sit here at nearly 1 am in the morning the news that earlier grabbed my attention seems old and distant. I guess it shows how fast moving the modern news cycle is. Or at least how social media momentarily elevates things above their importance.

What it was that caught my thoughts was the green-haired chick in Scotland getting arrested for holding a sign. The sign read: "F*ck Imperialism / Abolish Monarchy".

Obviously it's wrong to arrest someone for holding a protest banner, that kind of goes without saying. The f-word confuses things a little though. Does it therefore count as obscenity?

For me personally that would make no difference - free speech is free speech, pick your own words. This was actually the specific point I was going to consider here though: the way "swear" words are a weird form of blasphemy.

I've mentioned this before but I always find it very interesting how swear words have this power and status. For instance if we catch our finger or stub our toe we often cry out either a swear word or a religious phrase in anger:

"F*ck!" ; "For Christ's Sake!" ; "Flaming hell's fire!" ; "Sh*t!" ; "Bloody hell!"

Sometimes we even combine a swear word with a religious theme: "F*cking hell!" (That's quite a common one lol.)

It's like religious phrases and swear words both carry this similar weight and force. They're words we scream out in anger or desperation, or use for emphasis.

We even label swear words with religious type language. Swear coming with connotations of swearing an oath and the more American term "curse words" obviously suggesting curse. Like you're casting a spell on someone, or invoking a god. We also have the term profanity suggesting something profane.

I'm not entirely sure why this is, but again I always find it interesting and noteworthy. Why does the word c*nt have so much more force than the word vagina. Is it purely cultural conditioning?

The topic also inspired me to look up the phrase "effing and blinding". I understood that the "effing" related to the f-word, but I always wondered what the "blinding" meant. Apparently it relates to blimey - from "God blind me!" So again we have the swear word with the religious exclamation.

Blank Signs

Finally there was also a related story today about another anti-monarchy protester being questioned over a "blank sign". Back in March there was a story from Russia about a protester being arrested for holding a blank sign. So I thought these stories bookended things quite nicely.

[Given the moment has passed I've still managed to jot down a fair bit.]

I Don't Know.

Woke up bright and early today. On Twitter there's a lot of talk about the Russians being pushed back in Ukraine. You may have noticed I haven't posted very much about the war on here, even though it's obviously of huge importance. The main reason for this is that I simply have no certainty about what is going on there. It's so far away and we're so removed from it that it's difficult to tell where reality begins and fiction ends. So I'm in a permanent state of doubt whenever the topic pops up.

I have several different competing theories in mind as to what's actually going on. Ranging from just accepting the mainstream narrative prima facie to more exotic ideas. I'll be keeping all these views to myself though. Sometimes you just have to accept that you simply don't know for sure what's going on and that your opinions aren't helpful or useful to the situation. I am paying attention though, and it does interest me.

Strange Days..

I posted earlier today elsewhere, basically arguing that we've went awry as a nation when it comes to mourning with the "minute's applause".

That can be found via the link below, I won't rehash things here:

The "Minute's Applause" Is Why We Have No Football

It's been a very strange few days following the Queen's death. I'm not sure what to make of it. In a way I'm fortunate that I don't have strong feelings about the monarchy one way or the other. In younger days I was firmly against the concept, but with age I've arrived at an appreciation of constitutional monarchy, for largely pragmatic reasons. Either way the Queen has been head of state since the day I was born.

As I don't have strong opinions (for a change) I can simply sit back and watch things. It's all very interesting. There's a lot of chitchat and political commentary at the moment, as you'd expect, so the few opinions I do have I'll keep to myself for the time being.

Mona Lisa Lightning

I've had one of those days where I've got a lot of little jobs done. I've did the laundry, fixed a window frame, put down a new rug (I had to hoover the carpet first 😢 ), I've blogged about my fpl team, I topped up the soil for my little orange tree (yes, that's still going strong), I did some shopping.

Yet I still feel somewhat empty, like it's not enough. It's all a bit mundane. When you sort out all the little problems - when you have no problems - then the big questions come rushing in. After yesterday's thunder and lightning I've been wondering what causes it. How do clouds of rain cause mighty lightning strikes? I think I might have figured it out somewhat, but it still seems so mysterious and supernatural - so godly. Like some divine manifestation.

I've also been wondering about fate and destiny. Is there one person you're tied to by fate? A soulmate as they say. It's cringe, but the modern world is more primitive for its disbelief in love. It used to pervade our culture. From medieval troubadours and notions of unrequited love, to fairy tales and black and white movies. The idea that you would go to the ends of the earth for just this one person and no one else.

You'd probably be declared mentally ill today for saying you believe there's one person you're destined to be with. Both left and right have cast all meaning and sense of preordained purpose aside. Reducing everything to biological transactions - just go on Twitter and see all the posts from both sides saying what men want and what women want and yada yada. Even the "based" Christians are reduced to seeing love through the lens of social and psychological logic chains, ala people like Jordan Peterson (who I admire a lot, but it's all too analytical for me).

You can dissect and analyse anything; and then follow things back via a chain of cause and consequence, but ultimately everything always returns to the source. The mystery, the question mark.

If you attach meaning or a sense of purpose to a relationship - "It's my destiny to be with this person !" - the modern mind will rationalise the meaning away.

You only feel this way because you have a biological urge to procreate, and a need to pair-bond to raise the child -- and this in turn can be explained by evolution --- which in turn began in a chemical soup ---- which in turn was the product of exploding stars and swirling gases ----- which themselves were a product of a big bang.

Of course, when we reach this 'big bang' (or any other beginning) we hit the source. Not just a "how?" that we can't answer, but also a "why?".

Why was there a beginning?

Or: Why is anything here to begin with?

Once you acknowledge this mystery you can do something the modern mind never does. Flip it all back round. Perhaps the big bang and the swirling gas and the exploding stars and the chemical soup and the millions of years of evolution and the very hormone filled body you inhabit is all there precisely so you can experience that meaning.

Maybe it all happened for that reason. Perhaps that is the purpose and the "why?". Perhaps love, in the higher, meaningful sense of the word, is the reason (again, I don't want to sound too cringey, but it can't be helped).

Maybe the meaning is the whole point, dumbo.

Of course, we can't know this for certain either. It could all indeed just be a pointless sequence of events that somehow just happened. However, we can't know it isn't meaningful either. Logic can only take us to agnosticism.

The modern mind gets lost in little autistic chains of logic though, missing the bigger beautiful picture. It's like looking at the Mona Lisa and claiming it's just chemical pigments on a canvas. Yes, that is indeed what it is if you physically dissect it. If you want a scientific analysis. If you want to break it down into its material components.

However, if you step back and take a look at the whole you will see beauty and meaning. A beauty and meaning that can't be pinned down by science. That we can't even prove is there, and that will be subjective to the person viewing the painting (you may find it ugly, lacking and overrated - either way you see more than just pigments).

If a painting can be so much more than its pixels or pigments then how much more meaningful can a life or the whole world itself be when you stop dissecting it to its base biological mechanics.

I've wandered somewhat lol, but I think I need to break out of the mundane from time to time on this blog. It seems kinda lame to supress this natural inclination to see god in the lightning. To pretend I don't see meaning in life would make me a liar (however unfashionable seeing it may make me).

Radio Frequencies..

Liz Truss has made a quick start. It's definitely Bloody Mary - but in a good way. I'm enjoying watching it. I don't want to talk politics today though, I want to talk about my favourite topic: Me.

I need to master the art of being calm without being lazy.

I'm a very socially awkward person, almost comically so - it's pretty bad. So I was thinking I really need to work on this. I should really be trying to improve my weaknesses. I'm posting here as doing so forces me to make some kind of effort. If I write it down I won't just forget about it until the thought pops up again.

I'm not exactly sure what I'll do - other than try to slow myself down when I'm in social situations. Though I guess any sort of conscious effort may help. Especially if it becomes habitualised.

I do worry though that in chilling myself out I might lose some of my zest and energy. Perhaps you're either a busy bee with endless amounts of nervous energy, or you're a lazy, but laidback kind of person. Maybe you can't be both - maybe it's either one or the other, or some happy medium in between.

It's easy to chill out when you're sat doing nothing, like some Buddhist monk. I can do that, and have done it in the past (though it bores me immensely). The problem comes when you're out and about and doing things. The minute I'm actually doing something I'm a million miles per hour. Like a little jittery garden bird, rapidly looking around, alert to every sound, seeing the world at a rate of frames per second that humans don't normally operate at.

In fact, it's the other humans I have a problem with. I'm fairly energetic now just sat alone typing, but I don't mind it, I like the zeal. However, when I'm with other people this just manifests as nervous hesitation. I'm on a different frequency almost. So perhaps I need to make the effort to slow myself down when dealing with other people specifically.

Take a breath, pause, slow down, no rush. They're only people.

Radio.

In more mundane news my little wind up radio came today. I attempted to charge my phone up with it and it did indeed work. As that's the main thing I wanted it for I'm fairly pleased.

The radio itself is also surprising listenable for the size.

I now have it sat near a window to test the solar panel. I expect the benefits of this to be little to nothing, but either way it'll be handy to have if the power does indeed go at any point. We had thunder and lightening today, along with the summer sun, so we got a brief glimpse of the rockier weather that's on its way. Hopefully it won't be radio by candlelight this winter though.

The new Elizabethan era begins..

So Liz Truss won the leadership contest. My feeling is largely one of mild relief. Obviously I thought it was very unwise to ditch Boris, but given the new options I felt this was the next best thing. It's a bit like being 2-0 down in a football match then coming back to draw 2-2. Ideally you want the win, but when it looks like you're going to end up three or four down snatching a draw inspires a sense of gratitude.

I haven't really paid attention to the media today other than checking the result, but when I briefly skimmed social media I was left with an instinctive feeling that the anti-Liz/anti-Boris folk will now push hard for an election. I said at the start of the leadership campaign that an election could be far away, and that the main focus should be clawing back the draw, but I didn't really think about what would happen if Truss actually won. That was a luxury I couldn't afford myself.

Now though it occurs to me that it's still the same parliament and politicians that ousted Boris in spite of his majority. So it stands to reason that Truss will the get the same (if not less) loyalty.

(This is all assuming that she is indeed what she says she is of course: brexity that is.)

The anti camp will feel they'll be able to beat her at a general election. Though personally I'm not so sure. It's hard to imagine what will happen. Brexit really focused things last time round. Boris was able to give people a clear direction on the most pressing issue - but what's the direction now?

Leadership is massively about providing a direction. Just in basic terms. If you're lost in the woods at some point you follow the guy who says, "Right, we're going this way". You can't really follow someone who's saying "What do you think?" all the time.

In 2019 Boris provided clear leadership, whereas the other parties were just saying:

"What do you [the public] think?"

Even though deep down they had their chosen direction (in their case remaining in the EU) they couldn't speak it aloud. So they never offered actual leadership.

I don't really know what Truss will be like, but it's probably the case that she won't dither as much as Starmer.

(I've mocked her up as Elizabeth I, but given her first

name is actually Mary perhaps she'll be more Bloody Mary

- who knows?)

Today is Friday

The winner of the Tory leadership contest will be announced on Monday. Today is Friday. I'm in work Saturday and Sunday. So I'll be back here Monday. That is all.

Russian Winter

I had another cold shower today. It's September 1st, so I could be very generous to myself and say I've managed one in autumn, but I think that would be pushing it a bit. The first few minutes or so are the worst. In fact, I had to ease myself in gently, doing one arm first then the other. Once the whole body is acclimatised it's not so bad. That initial shock of the cold water though is not enjoyable. I can't imagine what it must be like in winter, when you're cold already, so we'll see how far I get. At least I've saved the environment a tiny little bit.

I also bought some candles today too, as I said I would last post. I might stock up and buy a few more.

The Moex.

On a slightly different topic there was an interesting little update in regards my Sberbank shares today (- you may remember I bought an enormous $60s worth as we entered Iron Curtain Part II). Anyway, they seem to have been converted to Moscow Stock Exchange depositaries by eToro. So there are now two little Sberbank tickers in my portfolio:

I'm guessing when the transition is complete there'll just be the one MOEX listing with the updated values and percentages.

It's largely cosmetic as whatever the listings and values it's still pretty much impossible to trade these Russian shares. So it's all just a fancy way of saying $0. Their current value on the Moscow exchange is about $80 now though - if my maths is right. So technically I'm up, even if it is just cosmetic ..and I'll happily take the appearances at the moment, as it'll at least make my bright red losses look slightly less emphatic.

We'll see what happens with the Gazprom ones now.